Monday, April 22, 2024

I CONFESS: Married men the ideal partners

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IT SEEMS THIS column has been taken over by the Christian-minded. I say so because it tends to only carry stories with people advising others to do what is considered the right and moral thing to do. It always has men and women talking about how much they regret doing something or the other because it was wrong.

What I never see are confessions where people openly admit that they know what they are doing is wrong, but do it nevertheless because that is their choice.

Let’s face it, the majority of people in this world are not nice and do things that go against accepted norms. That is why there is a need for police, psychiatrists, counsellors and other authority figures to keep people on track, get them back there when they stray, or punish them if their behaviour becomes offensive or criminal.

The other factor which must always be considered when dealing with human beings is that they are essentially emotional creatures. Therefore, many of their decisions – the clothes they wear, the partner they choose, their diet, whether they believe in God or not, who they vote for, their likes and dislikes – are often influenced by their emotional feelings even though they are informed enough to make sensible choices. 

For instance, most people know if they consume fast food and other fattening goodies regularly but do not get adequate exercise, that can be bad for their health. There is enough information circulating that they know such behaviour can lead to becoming overweight, not being able to fit into the trendiest fashions, and worst, develop chronic non-communicable diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart disease and hypertension. Yet people still indulge and don’t exercise.

Likewise, common sense and other people’s experiences demonstrate that smoking marijuana, hitting cocaine or drinking alcohol in excess can only lead to personal ruin. Yet sensible people who would have learnt, heard or seen the addictive effects these drugs can have still consume them to their own detriment, and their loved ones’ agony.

For these reasons I feel that this column should expose both the good and not so nice aspects of life. Because at the end of the day, the quality of your life often largely depends on the choices you make. So if you are exposed to all the things that can happen, then you are more likely to do the right thing. And if you do take the wrong road, like I have, you would know that you should not complain to anybody if you can’t handle the consequences of your actions.

I am one of those people whose lifestyle would be considered wrong, but I don’t care to change. My hope is that you would allow me to say my piece.

I am involved with a married man. He is the third one that I have been in a relationship with. In fact, for the last 14 years all but two of the men I had sex with were married.

For me married men are ideal partners because they must satisfy my needs if they hope to be with me, yet cannot make any real demands of me or be consistently around to irritate me.

For me that is power. No man can do what he likes with me and I have to take it because I can’t do any better. No, please. That was the sort of thing my mother had to put up with, but that is not for me in any way.

I would admit that my attitude has largely been influenced by the way I saw how my mother was treated by men. First, my father skipped when she became pregnant at 19. The situation became more complicated and complex when instead of just me popping out, a twin brother came out too. Mum then had two mouths to feed on a meagre store clerk’s wages. Though she was still living at home with granny, it was a cramped space, as five other people lived in that three bedroom house.

Largely because of those conditions, as well as her desire to give me and my brother a better life, mummy gave my brother to her sister to raise while she took me with her to live at her new boyfriend. After a few months that man showed his true colours and began treating mummy like dirt. But she took it because she had nowhere else to go. I remember her crying and telling me to learn good at school so I would not have to take any foolishness from any man.

I took her advice and learnt well and today I am independent. I don’t have children because I saw how they can weigh down a woman and make her compromise her principles.

These are the things that led me to be with married men. It was a calculated move on my part and it has paid off well. I get as much sex as I want along with lots of gifts, but without the responsibility of having to cook, wash, clean, bear children and tolerate the particular person longer than necessary.

Am I happy? Very much.

Do I think it is right for everyone? No, because some women want a man all to themselves and are “clingy”. I don’t mind sharing a man with another woman as long as he fulfils his obligations to me.

My confession is meant to let every woman know they do not have to sit still and take foolishness from any man. They can take their destiny in their hands and choose who they want to be with and demand what they want for being in that union.

I have no regrets and make no apologies to anyone. I don’t care who labels me a home wrecker either. I don’t set out to do that as I respect the boundaries my relationship has as regards the accessibility to the man. All I want is to have a man when I want him without having all the other “wifey” responsibilities. That is my story.

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