DEAR CHRISTINE, I am going out with a man who is 22; I am 19. I love him very much and when I ask him if he loves me, he says he does.
Sometimes, however, I wonder if he does. He can be nice at times and then on other occasions he is mean and snappy.
He says he does not go out with other girls, but I hear differently. Good friends tell me they see him out with other girls from time to time.
However, I would love to marry him because I feel I can make him forget all the others, but he says he is not ready as yet. This hurts me very much as I feel he does not really want me.
Sometimes I hear him talking about marriage with the other guys but I never hear him mention my name. How can I find out if he really intends to marry me, or if I should finish with him right now?
– J
Dear J,
Many girls today are getting married by the time they are your age, but really it is not a great age, and I don’t think you need to be too uptight and despairing about this friendship. There is really no reason why your boyfriend should marry you if he is not ready for marriage at this time. You just don’t want to be married just because you can be, do you?
I believe your boyfriend likes you and only says he loves you when you ask him. This is mere politeness. I don’t think he wants to lose you as a friend but at 22 he feels too young to settle down and is probably wise in thinking this way. You must decide how much of yourself you want to give him.
You can accept him as he is, but you should go out with other young men yourself if you feel like it and make him aware of the fact that he is not the only boyfriend you have. I am not speaking about getting involved on a sexual level.
It’s a mistake to obsess yourself with marriage at your age. Circulate, and if this young man sees you’re not that dependent on him for dates or male companionship, he’ll probably end up proposing.
– CHRISTINE
