APRIL IS THE month of extremes. It begins with pretence and deception (All Fools’ Day). It then progresses to the ultimate betrayal (this kiss that led to the events of Good Friday). It, however includes the most honest promise ever made (that of sacrifice for our salvation (Easter).
It is by truly accepting and believing in the promise that we can attain the ultimate success or suffer the unrecoverable failure. This is true in every aspect of our daily lives. Not seeking to be Dr Ruth or Christine I will begin a series of contributions on the Urgency of Honesty.
Traditionally, when success is compromised and failure is allowed to emanate from the lack of honesty, disappointment, hurt or other forms of emotional distress are sure to follow. This begins a slippery slope into an abyss from which one can rarely extricate themself.
Does honesty mean the same for each of us or is this how we allow ourselves to be deceived? The dictionary defines honesty as being truthful and moral. The Bible projects honesty by admonishing us not to steal, not to bear false witness and not to covet.
I go beyond this and suggest honesty to be the converse of each of the following: lack of openness, deception, pretence, giving less than value for what you are paid, cheating, sidestepping of personal responsibility and accepting credit for others’ success.
There is no area where the urgency of honesty is more demanded than in the area of parenting. The potential destructive result is more long lasting than any other in terms of personal pain, societal dislocation, unfulfilled potential, and unrealised positive and defining goals.
As parents, we have the awesome responsibility to fashion the future that will define the world in which we and other generations will live. We must always remember that children live what they learn and learn what they live. The environment we give them to develop is important.
If we allow them to sidestep their roles as contributing members of the society and have them believe that they are its centre, we deceive them and fashion an individual that will do more harm than good. Arrogance then speaks loudly for the obnoxious prima donna.
When we show favouritism among siblings or promote standards for one and not the others, we give them false hope that will be exposed when the challenges that can only be met by good character come to the fore. Values, standards and high principles must be emphasised.
When we defend their wrongdoing and youthful indiscretions at school or within their social circles, projecting them as angels that they are not and never were, we betray them and our duty towards them. Egotism, insensitivity and callousness then define their impact on society!
We should never allow our personal social interests to supersede the call for assistance from our children in areas that we are fully competent. When we leave it to a family member or friend, believing that is acceptable, we are sending permanent negative subliminal messages!
We blame the child whose potential is left unfulfilled. We make this dishonest conclusion because of our refusal to sacrifice short term pleasures and honestly accept genuine responsibility. It is never the same when our responsibilities to our children are left to another!
Parenting must be guided by maturity of thought and actions. It is said that how we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. I say, how we raise our children becomes their defining character. Raise them with honest action! Our society needs it, because we can be that good!
Jeff Broomes is an experienced educator, principal and community organiser who also served as vice president of the BCA and director of the WICB. Email: unclejeff2@hotmail.com