DEAR CHRISTINE, Rich and I have been best friends with benefits for nine years. He has a live-in girlfriend, and they have an 11-month-old son together.
The two of them are always fighting and yelling, and I’m always the peacemaker. I helped in raising their child so often that the boy called me mum before he said it to his real mother.
Two years ago, I told Rich I wanted to be with him – something more than just his girl on the side. He said he felt the same way, but he wasn’t ready to go from one relationship to another.
When I first told him how I felt, he told me not to wait for him. He said if I did find someone, I shouldn’t hold back because of him. When I finally did meet and date someone, Rich got into an uproar about it and said he didn’t like the guy. I ended the relationship to please him.
So here I sit, committed to someone who can’t do the same for me, and feeling confused and lonely. We still have a sexual relationship. Do you think he means what he says, or is he just telling me what I want to hear for what he can get?
M.C
Dear M.C:
I think that Rich is taking you along for a ride and you seem too blind to see what’s really happening with your life.
He is enjoying all the benefits of being in a relationship with you while he is in what appears to be a “rocky yet never the less comfortable” relationship with his main lover and their child.
On one hand he wants you to find someone to love and on the other hand he does not want to lose you and all the benefits. First you are an unpaid babysitter and you are a peacemaker as well.
You’ve asked a question and here is my answer. No, I do not believe he means what he says and yes, I believe he is telling you what you want to hear for what he can get. The ball is in your court for you to walk away from all the confusion you’ve found yourself in. You can do it.
– CHRISTINE
