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Finding it hard to be around men
Dear Madame Solutions, I’m 20 years old and I’m still a virgin. I am comfortable with the idea of sex and I am ready but (here’s the predictable twist) I have a deep distrust for men because of my relationship with my father. Any time I find myself close to a man (even in a platonic context) I get paranoid, flustered and panicky. I also haven’t had feelings for anyone in more than two years.
I feel inadequate and as time goes on my anxiety increases as I feel like I’m missing out on something great. People do this every day, so why do I find it so hard? – Virginity issues Dear Virginity issues, I promise you that no one else is as concerned with your virginity as you, and it should almost go without saying that 20 is extremely young. Plenty of people your age (and older too) are not having sex. And that’s fine. I think you might be focusing on this too much. Being a virgin does not make you inadequate.
Now, for what I think might be the real heart and other side of your problem. At the moment, you say that you’re still dealing with the results of a strained relationship with your father. Rushing into something sex-wise to get your virginity out of the way, like it’s an unpleasant chore or shackling you in some way, may wind up giving your more issues to be dealt with. Be careful with yourself.
By your own admission, you have some things to work through. Why not shift your concentration there? I feel certain the rest will follow when you start to take care of yourself and give yourself some space to figure out what these emotions means and where they’re based.
Good luck and please be kind to yourself. The most important thing is your happiness and contentment with life, not whether or not you are having sex. – Madame Solutions
