DEAR CHRISTINE, After seeing a recent article on a woman who works in the same office as her ex-husband and his wife, I thought I’ll share my situation with you.
My husband and I were married for 15 years before we decided to call it quits. Well, let me say that he decided to call it quits and I agreed because he had already spent four years of our lives carrying on a relationship with the woman who is now his wife.
Same house
Our relationship as husband and wife did not end in the usual way with fighting over who gets what and splitting up the family home, et cetera. We simply decided to move on with our lives without moving out of the house we shared.
Due to our financial commitments, the agreement was made that he would move
into the two-bedroom apartment attached to the house and I would remain in the main house with the children. In that way, we were still living in the same building but in different quarters.
Breakfast
Despite the divorce, my ex-husband would come over many mornings and have breakfast in the main house with the children. Since I usually have to be on the job by 6:45 a.m., I thought this was okay.
When he started to bring home his girlfriend, there was always the chance of me meeting her as she came and left.
Was I affected? Yes. It bothered me somewhat but I learned to let go and to accept the fact that our marriage did not work out.
Two years ago, my ex-husband asked to come over one night. He told me he was remarrying and asked me if that decision would bother me in any way.
I told him we were no longer married and we both had our lives to live as we pleased.
He said that since he could not afford to purchase a home and was in fact still paying his part of the mortgage, that his new wife would have to move in together with him.
Cordial
Of course, again I could not say “no”. The house belonged to him as much as it belonged to me, based on our agreement. Both our wills also show that the house
will go to our children at our deaths.
My husband got married just over a year ago. To the average outsider, and to friends and family who do not understand, this may seem like an awkward position to be in – knowing that my ex-husband is living his new life just doors away from where we started our lives as husband and wife.
The truth is, it has gotten easier over the past year and my husband’s wife and I, although we are not “friends” in the true sense, have learnt to live with each other in the most cordial and “friendly” way.
She is there for the children when I have to travel, which can be quite often, and she has a genuine interest in their welfare. What more can I ask for?
There was never any need for me to be revengeful, hate or try to hurt this woman. I am sure my husband was more to blame for the break-up of our marriage, as she was.
I hope this letter proves to those husbands and wives who have to go their separate ways that it is still possible to live in harmony and to live and let live. Three can be company without there being any friction.
Thanks for allowing me to share, Christine, and all the best.
– M.H.
Dear M.H.,
Thanks so much for sharing. It is always a nice gesture when readers share their personal experiences with the public.
I certainly wish you the best and trust that despite all you’ve been through, your future will be a very bright one.
– CHRISTINE