AS A WOMAN in a job with much responsibility, and one who works with a dedicated team, I realise that no matter how you advise people they will choose the path they want to take.
But after a recent personal experience, I would I like to advise women against cheating on their husbands, even though they may be unfaithful or may not be good lovers.
I know that many people will ignore my message, but my suggestion is worth considering.
I am saying this after a friend told me of a story where the woman was married and cheated on her husband with a married man.
She had a fulfilling relationship with him – great sex and a terrific time – but in the end he ignored her because he still was in love with his wife.
If he is married, just be aware that just as day follows night he will return to his wife. I can say that because I went through a similar experience to that woman.
I got involved with a married man who worked with me and the relationship went on for quite a few months. But it was bound to come to an end. Thankfully, though, we still work together and he respects me and I respect him.
I guess it’s easy for us to move on because we both knew we were doing wrong from the outset. But we still did it because we simply wanted each other and wanted to be treated in a way that our respective partners did not treat us anymore.
At that time I had been married for over ten years, while he was still in a relatively young marriage. While we gave each other the attention lacking in our relationships, deep down we knew our relationship would not be a lasting one.
Despite straying, we were both committed to our families and conscious of the damage that could be done to both households. Yet we became intimate because we just connected.
But it was not only about sex; it was the connection we shared. I found in him someone I could truly share my feelings without worrying about him judging me. And he was the same with me. It was unbelievable.
What strikes me whenever I remember how our affair started was the ease with which he communicated with me when we first chatted. He was very direct and outlined the target for my section. There was something warm and sensitive about what he did, though I dismissed it then as him being the consummate professional.
As the weeks went on, however, I found him always to be very straightforward and decisive, a trait which attracted me more to him since I didn’t get that from my husband. Like me, too, he was into fitness and was very health-conscious.
We really meshed.
We became perfect work partners – never once quarrelling. We would always bounce ideas off each other. As a result, we got what we both wanted, my section prospered, and eventually we both were commended for a job well done.
I have never enjoyed such a connection with another man, so the guilt I felt when my husband touched me was too much to bear. In fact, I still feel guilty about what I did because it was wrong.
When you get married, have children, build a home together and worship as a family, there are certain traps you should never fall into, no matter how tempting.
The sense of guilt I feel is especially strong during intimate moments with my husband when he tells me how much he loves and how he cherishes life with me.
How could I continue in my wicked ways?
It wasn’t what my husband said; it was how he said it, with such sincerity that made me realise he knew he was losing me and was desperately trying to win my love back. It seems he sensed that he was losing me.
Tears welled in my eyes as I held my husband tightly, conscious that here was a man who would give his all for me. I had to treasure him. I decided that I had to stick with my husband and family regardless.
The love that brought us together has been rekindled and we enjoy each other’s company like never before.
That spark I had with my workmate has been extinguished by my fresh love for my husband. I know I made a big mistake but I have made a vow never to jeopardise our relationship again.
Based on my experience, I would urge wives never to cheat on their husbands.
If there is a problem, don’t give up on the love you once shared. Make sure you make every effort to recapture that spark. Your relationship is likely to be stronger than before.