Dear Readers, this week’s Dear Christine comprises four instalments of a letter, which is filled with sound advice, especially for women. Today, I bring you Part 2.
Dear Christine,
If the man (who is pursuing a woman) passes the interview stage [as explained in yesterday’s publication of Dear Christine], the next process is the probation period. This is not the time to be jumping into bed but really getting to know who this man is and if he fits into your values and what you want for yourself.
Life is not a fairy tale; relationships are not about butterflies and stars, giggles and warm puppies. This is not the time to put on rose-coloured glasses and focus on everything you like about him.
Discover his weaknesses. Can you live with them? Does his word mean anything? What type of relationship does he have with his mother? What is his reputation? Does he have a job or any ambition? Does he always need to know where you are?
What does he like to talk about? Is his self-confidence based on putting other people down? How does he treat you when he’s in a bad mood? How does he manage his finances? Does he ever try to hide his phone when it rings? Is he in a hurry to get you into bed? Walk away if he does.
Is he already married, engaged, involved or does he have several baby-mamas? Run! Did he have any positive male role models during childhood? Is he emotionally stable? Is he overly sweet, attentive and pays lots of compliments? (This is a big warning sign!)
Next! If he passes and gets the job of being your man, nurture a healthy and respectful relationship. If he tries to get you into bed before marrying you, blank him.
Finally, here’s the part we all have trouble with – firing. Matters of the heart are not easy. Sometimes kids are involved, but as you are the CEO of your life, fire him if you need to!
An important part of life is making hard decisions and sticking with them. We claim “We love him too much”, “No one is perfect”, “Give him a second chance”, but the truth is we’re running from hurt, humiliation and loneliness while sending him the wrong message.
The longer you hold on, the stronger his hold becomes on you. You will have to let him go eventually, whether he finally kicks you to the kerb or you wake up one morning so empty inside, like me, you finally find the courage to limp away. If I had applied this hiring model to my relationships, not one of my ex-boyfriends would have gotten the job of being my man. In fact, some of them wouldn’t even have passed the interview.
Fourthly, what’s love got to do with it? Nothing! It is respect that makes the world go around.
Ladies, don’t accept anything less. Passion (often mislabelled love) comes and goes and cools like the wind. Respect stands the test of time. Respect is what allows people going through break-ups to act like humans. It is respect that would have stopped my second ex from showing up at my house and throwing back at me every gift I had given him during our relationship.
Respect would have stopped him from telling my co-worker about our break-up before I even knew about it, and it would have stopped him from flirting with her while breaking up with me.
This was the same man who used to always say, “I don’t like anybody embarrassing me”.
– A.C.
Dear A.C.,
Thanks again for sharing your experiences and advice, especially for women to be better directed in their relationships with members of the opposite sex. I look forward to sharing the remainder of your letter with readers.
– CHRISTINE
Tomorrow’s Part 3 of A.C.’s letter will look at why you should never give up your dream for a man and why it is important to trust your gut instincts.