Dear Christine,
Why are men so cruel? A married man talked his way into my life. His story was an old one but appeared genuine. His wife, he said, was “married” to her mother and she had no use for him besides what he could provide for her materially.
He said she was just using him. She was made out to be such a bad wife that, without knowing her, I disliked her and felt sorry for him.
He won my love and affection, and then started to play games. He made excuses for not seeing me or calling. He is convinced that his wife will never leave him because of what he can provide for her materially and socially, and he also boasts she won’t listen to anything anyone tells her about him.
I realised what was happening and asked him to forget all about me.
This man lies every time he speaks for more than two minutes and he thinks I do not know that he is telling lies.
I suppose you would advise me to just leave him, but you ought to know that human beings have feelings and emotions which cannot be switched on and off like lights.
It hurts and I am very depressed. I have tried to forget him, but I am hurting terribly and sometimes cannot sleep.
I did not write to ask you what to do as I am sure your answer will be to just leave him. I write to advise all women that when married men approach them with their sad stories and promises, very early, before they become attached to them, they should let the wives know. Either write to them or phone them, or let someone else do it. They will either sort out their situations (if there are any) with their wives or leave them.
If the problems are minor they will be worked out, and you would have saved a marriage. If they are too big to solve, they will make a decision and choose the woman they want. No woman should be asked to share a man.
It is so easy to blame the other woman, but men surely know how to convince and trick even intelligent women.
– Hurt
Dear Hurt,
I think it is all so easy to point fingers at married men when they get involved in extramarital affairs but most of the time the mistresses like you were (or are – I am not sure which it is) to blame. I make no excuse in saying this.
Men are generally prowlers – even those who are married. If a woman is aware of a married man’s commitment, she does not have to give in to the stories, lies and whatever else the man will dish out. The woman should have the guts to say: “You can choose between me or your wife, but you cannot have both of us at the same time.” You and I know this will hardly happen. Maybe you should try it next time a married man comes along and see how hard he will flee.
I can never forget the words of that old song which goes like this: “. . . a man can’t get no loving unless a woman lets him, and a man can’t be a father unless a woman lets him”.
Women have more power than they recognise but many go into relationships with married men with their eyes wide open. They tend to feel proud when the man is leaving his wife behind morning, noon and night to be with them. They believe they have won a prize trophy, but in many instances the men are just eating their cake and having it too.
I join with you in hoping that women who are courted by married men will be very wary of the tales they tell to get their own way with them. The very fact that they keep their wives and families would suggest that that’s where their priorities lie.
Any woman who is going into such a relationship must be prepared for its limitations and not expect more than the stolen hours. The moment she starts demanding more, the relationship becomes strained and he is going to hot-foot his way out of her life because all he wants from her is the perpetual fleeting happiness and pleasure.
He has no obligation to stay and work problems out. In the meantime, the woman’s life is tied up with next to no opportunity of her ever meeting someone who is free.
– CHRISTINE
