Dear Christine,
I have a serious problem and I need help before I lose my mind, my boyfriend, or both.
I am in love with a very nice man. We have been seeing each other for three years now and I know we love each other deeply.
My problem, however, is that we are always quarrelling over the way he is with other women in general.
I do not know why he has to make comments on how “nice” this one looks, or “well built” the other is, or how “pleasant” this one smiles. He says he does not mean more than what he says, it’s just that he admires women who are neat dressers and have a pleasant personality; things, which according to him, he finds in me.
But Christine, I feel very jealous. I also feel very left out when we go to parties and he goes across and spends time with young women he knows but I do not know. Sometimes he would ask me to come across with him so he can introduce me but I always tell him I’d rather not meet them. He says he’ll never leave me but I do not see why he has to be so friendly and why he has to comment on how other women look.
Am I wrong in thinking these things? I am 20 and he is 24 years old.
– G.N.
Dear G.N.,
Yes, you are wrong! I would advise you to control your jealousy if not he will definitely leave you. No man wants to be restricted in what he can or cannot say or whom he can or cannot see; especially when he has already explained that the relationships are platonic.
Love and trust must go together. Men will always look at women and women will look at men – even if they do not comment about what they see or like about the men. That, my dear, is reality.
Men and women do not lose appreciation or love for things admirable in someone of the opposite sex because they are more closely attached to another individual.
Don’t you think you merit this man’s love? If you do not, then you need to have a better opinion of yourself. Next time he wants to introduce some of the women he knows to you, be gracious and accept the gesture.
And just don’t stand there saying nothing, get involved in the conversation. This man seems to be a friendly individual. Simply face the fact that he has already chosen you to be his special someone.
– CHRISTINE
