Dear Christine,
I know you read letters from people all over the Caribbean, so here I am now asking for some reasonable advice.
I am not from Barbados, but I am a healthy attractive, single male in my early 30s. I have not been dating anyone regularly for almost a year.
To relieve my pent-up sexual energy, on several occasions I have gone to a “health spa” that is actually a brothel.
I began going there when my resistance was low, after drinking. Recently, I went there sober, which means I accept the idea more easily.
I no longer have any guilt about it. My question is, what chances have I of contracting AIDS in this establishment, especially through the practice of oral sex? I am thinking of myself and of future sex partners.
– DP
Dear DP,
You might think, as well, of the wife and children you may want to have in the future. Even if you feel no emotional need for these now, you may feel differently someday. Some men have completely reversed their feelings on this subject after the ages of 35 and 40.
You asked specifically if oral sex was more or less dangerous than other activities. The subject is not simple. I cannot recommend having any form of sex with a person suspected of exposure to the AIDS virus and that should include any prostitute, no matter how skilful, gorgeous or expensive. Prostitutes have many customers and there is no way of controlling the risk they run of exposure to the virus.
To use a condom for oral intercourse, when the male organ is involved, is considered less risky than performing the same act without a condom. This statement does not endorse oral sex with a condom as safe.
Any sex with a stranger, or with a new acquaintance, or with someone you know to be sexually active with others, including former partners you might get back together with, is risky.
It is customary right now in some circles, for either the man or the woman, before starting a new sexual partnership as husband and wife, to ask for medical documentation of freedom from the AIDS virus. The partners can exchange proof of freedom from the infection.
There is less worrying now that the person being asked for proof in this matter will be offended. Nowadays you look more responsible and trustworthy when you do ask for this, and offer your own proof.
A prospective lover of the kind you should be looking for will find your caution attractive.
The documentation and proof of freedom from the AIDS virus is important – but you have to trust the other partner to stay faithful to you, and you must stay faithful to your safe partner.
You have to realise that all permission to be sexually promiscuous has been cancelled in the face of the AIDS threat and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Not long ago in this column I included a letter from a man who thought of faking his documentation because he felt sure he was free of infection and the idea of getting real assurance from his doctor seemed needless and tiresome.
However, he relented and had the tests. This alerted me to something important – I think people should know the medical authority giving the test, and should hear from the doctor’s mouth, the assurance he or she offers in writing. It is possible to be shown fake documents in this important matter.
Besides being tested for exposure to AIDS, couples should be instructed in safe sex within their own partnership. For a period of months before the first testing for the virus and confirming testing, the couple should restrict their activities.
Your only sane course now is to be tested for exposure to the AIDS virus. After that, you should avoid all sexual contact with others, except for someone who can show proof of freedom from the virus; especially if you’re satisfied to continue on your current course.
– CHRISTINE
