Dear Christine,
My boyfriend had a previous relationship which ended in him being hurt, so now that I have come along he compares my actions with those of his ex. He has somewhat hidden himself from love.
I betrayed him once to see what his reaction would be. And because of that he does not trust me. I brought this on myself and now I regret it.
I have mostly male friends because, from childhood, I was a bit of a tomboy. This he does not like. I do not mind him having his friends (and he has been intimate with many of them) but he does not want me to have any.
Another thing – he must always be pampered. I do not mind this at times but he expects it as a routine. When we quarrel he puts himself down, making me seem in the wrong all the time.
In addition, he has obligations and on several occasions our plans have been put off when I felt some priority should have been given to them.
We talk over our problems but it seems they are linked to the same thing – either he feels rejected or I do; either he seems to think I am not appreciative or vice versa.
We want the same things but cannot seem to get enough of each other. We both want the other to say little things which are already understood. I have tried to analyse our relationship but cannot seem to come to a conclusion. I hope you can help me.
– D.P.
Dear D.P.,
From what you have told me, you both seem to be matching and measuring, comparing and yet coming up with the realisation that you’re both probably giving all you can – and yet you’re not accepting each other as you are. There is a call for more. He is dragging his past sad relationship into the one he is having with you, which could not have been helped by your “betrayal” (whatever that means).
So he keeps on moping and you keep on trying to pamper and from what I can see, you end up with a burden of a relationship instead of one that puts the proverbial wings on your heart.
You’ve got to make up your minds as to whether the two of you are going to go on plodding or do one of two things – either accept each other as you are, or call it quits.
– CHRISTINE
