Dear Christine,
There is a song which says: “Some men have all the luck”. Well, I guess I am not one of those men. You see, I am in love with a woman who seemingly takes me for granted and is blind to the fact that I really care about her.
I am a 27-year-old guy in love with my best female friend. She is 24 and a single mum. I have always been attracted to “Maggie” – from the time we met in secondary school. She is a attractive woman and the kind of person you’d want to be with.
Four years ago, she became involved with an old boyfriend from secondary school days who smokes weed and has a lot of different issues. He also drinks heavily.
Once the old flames were rekindled, he started showing a very jealous side and demanded that she stay away from some of her best friends. In fact, he told her it would either be him or me. She picked him. Almost 12 months later the two had a child together.
I guess as time went by she discovered for herself that he was never going to change and be the daddy she expected him to be. In fact, he started smoking so much more and even got drunk a few times. Finally, she broke up with him.
Being the good, dear friend – or maybe fool – that I am, I accepted her back into my life and became close to her again. Over a period of time, I really got to know her daughter and began treating her as if she was my own child. I still do anything and everything for them and would love to have a real relationship with “Maggie”.
It makes me very unhappy that she’d rather go out with guys who don’t really care for her (she says this herself) than see how much I love her. I want so much to be with her, but I know she doesn’t see me in that light.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to say something about the situation because if I do, she will probably pull back and stop seeing me altogether. My friends say I should speak up or stop seeing her, but I am finding that hard to do.
I pray almost every night for God to grant me this one prayer. What can I do to make this work?
I am hoping she would see this letter and know how much I care and love her.
– Kirk
Dear Kirk,
I honestly do not know what more you can do to win this woman’s heart. You’ve seemingly already done quite a bit – even to the point of accepting her daughter as your own.
If for whatever reason she is unable to recognize the value of what you have to offer, it would be better and healthier for you to distance yourself and find someone else who is a better judge of men.
Also, bear in mind that while your friends are of the view that you should lay your cards on the table, remember that you cannot make anyone love you. She may be happy just having you as a very close but not intimate friend.
You seem to be a level-headed guy who, in my opinion, deserves to have a loving relationship with someone who is mutually attracted to you. When love is not mutual, it’s plain torture.
My advice to you therefore is to stop torturing yourself and allowing this woman to take you for granted.
At times, some of God’s greatest blessings are those prayers which He does not say “yes” and “Amen” to.
– CHRISTINE