Dear Christine,
The Christmas holiday is upon us and here I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am heartbroken, devastated and hurt.
I have not been sleeping well and have little appetite. I have not shared my recent plight with anyone, although I plan on discussing it with my mother at some point in time. I feel like life has nothing to offer me, yet I know deep down in my heart that God will not put more on me than I can bear. I know I will rise above my disappointment and that I must be strong for myself. Thank God there are no children involved. For then it would also be heartbreaking for them.
I am heartbroken because of what my husband has done to my life. We have been married for the past 18 months and he has recently told me that he did not marry me because he loves me, but because he was trying to get back at a former girlfriend, whom he still loves.
Apparently, they knew each other from school days and were together up to three months before he met me. She had cheated on him with a guy whom she eventually left the island to be with.
From what I have been told, that relationship between her and the guy never worked out and she started calling my husband five months ago.
They have been spending lots of time on the Internet and he has even given her permission to call at our home whenever she wants to. Christine, she not only call at the house, but he pays for the calls.
I married my husband for no other reason than the fact that I was in love with him. It is true that we got married five months after our meeting, but that is not unusual.
Looking back, he did a good job of pretending that he loved me, but why did he have to propose to me if he knew he was living a lie?
The relationship has been nothing but deceit and lies. Now, I feel trapped, used and as though he has made a mockery of me.
He has decided that he wants to have nothing to do with me – no sex, no intimacy. As far as he is concerned, the marriage is over, and he wants to be with his ex-girlfriend.
As it is right now, I have to find somewhere to go since all my relatives live abroad and I am not from your country. I have little money, but I do work and can try to manage on my own, even though it will be a challenge. I do not want to go back to my country because things are hard there.
What am I to do?
– N.H.
Dear N.H.,
First, do not be too hard on yourself. You felt you were making the right decision and you followed your heart when you married this deceiver. However, while I do realize the blow you have suffered is great, judging from your letter I sense resilience.
You will bounce back and you will triumph over this setback. Regardless of how devalued you feel, you have skills and potential that you brought to your marriage.
You say you have no relatives here. Since you are working, start saving some funds while you still can to ensure you have a security deposit for an apartment or house. Also, get some legal advice.
In addition, you should let your relatives know about your situation. Even if they cannot help financially, the moral support will be a blessing.
My dear, you will survive this disappointment. You were managing before you met your husband and you will manage after he is gone.
You cannot force someone to love you and you cannot beg them to do so either. If you stand up straight and refuse to be mistreated, you will regain your self-respect.
Stay focused on repositioning yourself, and please let me hear back from you in at least three to six months’ time.
– CHRISTINE
