Dear Christine,
Don’t take me to be a 40-year-old who simply cannot make up her mind about her current situation, but your advice could help a great deal. In any case, there is no one else I’d like to bounce my situation off on.
I met a guy about five months ago and we hit it off wonderfully. I like everything about him except for the fact that he is still married. The situation is that he is separated from his wife, but I consider that still married and not available. I told him I did not want to get sexually involved with him because of his marriage but when he is free we could pursue a relationship. I also told him there are no guarantees that either of us would be available then, considering the time a divorce can take.
We have therefore stopped from seeing each other, but we do email now and then, mostly just saying, “Hi, I’m thinking of you” kind of thing.
In the meantime, I have met another guy who is great, single and crazy about me. I should be crazy about him too, except that he’s not guy No. 1. I know if I had never met guy No. 1, I would be more interested and excited about guy No. 2.
My questions are the following: Since I won’t compromise on the separated/married thing, do I wait and see what happens when, or even if, guy No. 1 is free? Or do I get him out of my head, somehow, and give guy No. 2 a fighting chance?
– L.P.
Dear L.P,
I respect your frankness and moral stance for not getting involved with guy No. 1. Since there is no guarantee that he will be available anytime soon, why not give guy No. 2 a chance?
If things do not work out between you two and he is not the “man of your dreams”, perhaps when No.1 sheds his Mrs, you would have had enough time to know if he is the one. This has absolutely nothing to do with “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” thing. It is just the most rational way to work out your situation.
You may even be surprised. What if the perfect No. 3 wanders into the picture? One never knows!
– CHRISTINE
