Know partners before marriage

In the July 6 edition, a writer Tony in a letter to Dear Christine outlined the problems he had encountered in a relationship with a woman from Guyana. He said that he neglected his sons, ignored his mother and stayed away from his friends. He even lost his house and van.Tony said thanks to his boss his life is back to “the old times” and he is urging Barbadian men not to ignore Barbadian women in preference for Guyanese women or indeed those from other countries. Here are some of the comments from our readers.• I was in a similar position as that man who wrote you in the DAILY NATION of July 6.In your reply, you said you hoped that our stories would help others who found themselves in a similar plight.My story is that I am still married to a woman of a different nationality but she is a gold-digger. She took me for all I had and was still trying to do so up until recently. When she felt that I had money again somehow I found myself in her clutches until she drained me of all my money. Yes we make vows for better or for worse, but I don’t think that God meant that I should allow someone to take advantage of me. In a relationship sometimes we have to draw a line and because you make vows that does not mean that you have to let the other half take advantage of you. We have been separated for a while and I wanted nothing to do with this woman, but somehow I found myself back with her and did not know how. My personality changed and I was really mean to other people who were close to me. Deep within, I knew something was wrong but as you said in your reply, some friends close to me really helped me and I was able to get out of her evil clutches.At first, I had decided I wanted nothing to do with other women, but I realise now I had made that decision because somehow, I had allowed her to intimidate me. I was allowing her to control my life in every way. Now that I have my life back, I refuse to live a lonely life. My mother, who is deceased, always told me to make sure I know about a woman before I decided to marry her and as I reflect, I realise that I never really knew this woman. To persons who do wrong to others, remember your sins always have a way of catching up with you. To my friends that I have hurt, I say sorry. And to those who helped me, I say thanks.– G• Some women are not as genuine as they may want you to believe. Knowing a person is very important before marriage, as some women may appear very sweet and considerate at first but when they get married you see a different side. Those women are not about real love or building a lasting relationship, more about themselves and when things are not what they hope them to be they will put the marriage at risk. Some people women/men don’t like to make the sacrifice in order to have a happy marriage. • It is good that you accepted responsibility for your actions and have made amends with the loved ones whom you rejected when you were blinded by love, or was it lust? As you develop your relationship with God and make a sincere appeal, in the fullness of time your true life partner will come. Both you and your ex were able to fill voids in each other’s lives. Along with happy times, if only a few, you would have learnt some valuable life lessons as well as helped her through some financial crisis. Don’t cry and don’t look back. Unpleasant as it was, be happy with yourself that you were able to help her. If it’s a case of gold digging, she probably still doesn’t have, for easy comes, easy goes. Don’t worry about those who would besmirch your account either or who believe there is no evil in this world. Satan was one of God’s angels who fell from grace. The rest is known. I wish you the best.– BF• A fool and his money are soon parted. Years ago I had the opportunity to live overseas, I thought about it and said NO. I said that if I ever had to suffer at any time let me suffer where I was born were I have some family, friends – one of them might help me out. I also feel that if I do get tricked (although I will try hard not too) let it be a Bajan woman. How can we know nothing about these foreign women and marry them in a heartbeat, but our own Bajan women are only good in some instances to put in a house to cook, clean and provide sex. When will these men learn?– PT