Dear Christine,
I would like you to tell me what you honestly think of my situation.
I am married to a man who has been divorced from his first wife since 2003. They never had children and as far as I know, she never wanted any. I now have a five-year-old son for him.
This is what bothers me, Christine: my husband still has a key to his ex-wife’s house. He works as a carpenter and also does masonry work. I am keenly aware that he has been doing some work for her – but, Christine, for the past ten years? I believe he should return the key and only get it from her when he has work to do.
This woman calls on him for everything – from picking her up from the doctor and cutting the lawn, to looking after her car when it breaks down, or when the engine needs warming if she has to leave the country.
Even on Sundays when we are preparing to attend church as a family, she’ll call and ask him to do something for her. She has friends, Christine, so why is she always calling on him?
I have been telling him for the past four years to give this woman back her key. While he finds it convenient to be always at her beck and call, he is yet to change the faucets to the kitchen sink at home – faucets which I purchased a year ago.
My husband tells me that I nag him, but I don’t. I just do not understand how he could leave work and visit her to do whatever she wants, yet finds it hard to do work around the home.
Do you think I am being unreasonable by asking him to return her key? If the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t be allowed to keep an ex-boyfriend’s key and go to his place to run errands for him.
Please answer. This is becoming a big problem for me now.
– H.R.
Dear H.R.,
I am sorry to hear about this seemingly special emotional bond which your husband still has with his ex-wife; and it’s not fair to you at all. You have every right to be upset.
You need to have a “real” conversation with your husband and let him know his first commitment must be to you and his child. He must understand that what he’s doing is disrespectful to you. I, too, believe he should give back the key to his ex-wife, but will that solve the other issues? Will that stop them from being bosom buddies, so to speak?
Both you and your husband need professional/ pastoral counselling, and since he is unlikely to take the first step, you will have to do so. Pick up the phone and schedule an appointment.
While you’re at it, call a plumber. A year is way too long to wait to have your faucets changed.
– CHRISTINE