Dear Christine,
I am engaged to a young man who is also a divorcé. We got engaged last December and will be getting married in a few months’ time.
When we first met he said he was not keen on remarrying, but during the course of our relationship he had a change of heart.
Four months away from the wedding he seems to be having second thoughts. During his first marriage, he suffered much verbal abuse at the hands of his wife, who was also unfaithful from day one.
His constant speeches of wondering if he is doing the right thing and whether this second marriage will work out has left me feeling very insecure about our future together.
Will I have to go through the next several weeks wondering if he will turn up to say “I do” on our wedding day? Or will he leave me at the altar? These are some of the questions I cannot seem to find answers for.
How can I convince him that I am not a replica of his first wife and that I am not setting out to rob him, cheat on him or abuse him like she did?
Earlier in the year I was looking forward to a happy wedding day and spending my life with this man, but now I am not sure if he is quite ready for this or if I should subject myself to a marriage which seems doomed because of his past hurts and pain.
Please tell me what I should do in a situation like this.
– Veronica
Dear Veronica,
I honestly believe you two should step back, sit down and honestly ask yourselves if you are ready for this commitment.
Marriage should not be entered into lightly. If he is making you feel uncertain about your future with him, and he is unsure about taking this step (perhaps at this time), there is absolutely no reason why you should not postpone the wedding until you’re both ready.
If, on the other hand, you have already sent out invitations and put many of your wedding plans in place, then you two may need to sit with a trained marriage counsellor or minister of the gospel who will help both of you to work through your uncertainties.
Remember, however, it’s no use making a move when you’re not sure. Sometimes waiting is best.
– CHRISTINE
