Dear Christine,
I do not know if this is my just deserts for getting involved with a married man but I feel suffocated and trapped.
I met a man five years ago. At that time he told me he had a woman but I still became intimate with him. I then found out that he was married.
At that point I decided to end the relationship. That same month, however, I found out I was pregnant and so I continued the adulterous affair.
After three years of being with him I asked him if he would leave [his wife]. Somehow I knew he would not.
In response, he asked me if I was foolish and compared me to a goat.
I told him that’s it for me. Simple enough, right? No! For the past year I have been trying to move on with my life but I cannot.
He keeps showing up at the home that my child and I share with my mother. He turns up without calling and stays until all hours of the night. He says he comes to see his child, but that’s a lie! Would a man who comes to see his child search through my phone calls, messages and photos every chance he gets while his phone is locked?
Also, he keeps begging me for sex and tells me that so many women are ready to replace me if I don’t give in. I threatened to tell his wife (thinking I would scare him) but he still won’t leave me alone.
He said I got pregnant and ruined his life (although his wife doesn’t know) and now I want to knock myself about with all kinds of men. Speaking of knocking, although I do admit sometimes I am the aggressor when he keeps showing me sickening photos of women who want him, he is usually the one who hits me.
One time he hit me repeatedly because I am no longer intimate with him. He also threatens to kill me if I become involved with anyone. When I was weaker I would allow his request to check my private parts. He would do this to determine if I had sex. I am always at home with my toddler but on the occasion I go by a friend or for a bite, he calls repeatedly, asking where I am and with whom.
He also sends nasty messages to me. He tells me if he cheats again, it would be because of me. Can you believe him?
My mother is very upset with the whole situation and is stressing me out about him just showing up at her home.
What do I do? I want to be free of him, free to live in peace and free to find love.
– K
Dear K,
Forgive me if I show little sympathy, but when you discovered this man had another woman you should have run fast and hard.
But no, you decided to cheat on his “woman”, who turned out to be his wife. You should also have done all you could to prevent getting pregnant.
What you’re going through now is due to making the wrong decisions – like not moving on, and then deciding to continue in this adulterous relationship for a further three years.
Also, why were you allowing this married man to check your private parts? Is he a gynaecologist? I am really taken aback by women who allow men to rule their lives, and for what? Sex? Money?
It’s not worth it.
This monster who is tracking your every move is doing so because you have failed to truly break off the relationship. Does he have a key to your mother’s house? You do not have to open the door or window to talk to him. This talk about visiting the child is just to have access to you.
If you and your mother are truly serious about him not visiting, then call the police and have them give him a restraining order. He also has no right beating you. That, too, should be reported to the authorities.
Unless you make the police aware of his threats and harassment, he will continue to threaten and harass you.
Don’t become another murder statistic! Take the necessary steps right away. The choice is yours!
– CHRISTINE
