IMPROVING relationships between children and step-parents often takes more work than traditional parental relationships. Blending families is challenging, and your children may be resistant to the authority that is given to the step-parent. Although you may get your children to obey their step-parent, you want them to bond with and eventually love their new parent as well. Here are four tips to help with that process:
Tip No.1 – Don’t Call Them “Step-Parents”
Don’t divide your household by having your children call your spouse “stepdad.” They could refer to him as dad if that is the role he has agreed to take on. You also want your children to accept him as their father. Depending on the circumstances, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
The problem arises when the children maintain a relationship with their biological dad as well. You may be able to explain it all to your children if they are old enough, and if they’re not, you should tell them that there will be a time when they’ll understand it all. Until then, the foundation for improving relationships between kids and step-parents is to have children acknowledge the step-parent as mother or father.
Tip No.2 – Dine Together
Eating meals together helps traditional families bond, and it works just as well for improving relationships between children and step-parents. At the very least, you should be eating one meal a day as a family. Dinner time may not be feasible for all families, because of different work shifts. Whatever mealtime you choose, the more you can do the better. Eating together gives you opportunities to talk, share and laugh. It’s a time to bond, and if you miss those times daily, you lack many chances to build a healthy family relationship.
Tip No.3 – Don’t Criticize Your Ex
The last thing you want to do is pit a step-parent against your children’s biological parent. Criticism does just that, and it’s completely inappropriate to do it in front of the children. No matter how difficult the circumstances, hold your peace in the presence of your children when it comes to your frustrations with their biological parent. If you don’t, you’ll inadvertently destroy the bond between them and their step-parent rather than improve it.
Tip No.4 – Go Out Together
Schedule family outings on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis with your new spouse. Don’t exclude them, because that may help to drive a wedge between them and the children. Whether it’s a family vacation, or a trip in town to Broad Street, the entire family should participate. Getting out of the home and into a different setting does help to foster different types of conversations and opportunities for bonding. You’re probably going to be the one who has to be proactive about planning these outings. Listen for events on the radio for ideas or check the Internet for some entertaining ideas. Time and work are some of the necessary ingredients in improving relationships between children and step-parents. You have to be consistent, and don’t give up when you hit inevitable bumps in the road.