I recently attended a wedding. Interestingly enough, the two were childhood sweethearts and had never been with anyone else before but with each other. Although that is surely not the first time such a marriage has taken place, in this time of non-commitment and multiple partners, it brought my mind to the question of whether marriage must really be confined to mean solely a symbol of love or whether it can be expanded to embrace other elements . . . like convenience. In the past, we all know of instances where marriages have taken place for citizenship purposes, or where in some traditions, marriage is pre-arranged and it is hoped that in those cases, the love would come over time.
But what about when you have not fallen in love with anyone; or where you have fallen in love, but such love is not returned? What about when someone adores you, you like him or her very much, but you’re not in love with that person? Should you pursue such a relationship to the point where it could be headed towards marriage? You may have heard your mother say, “Love the one who loves you.” I have found that this works in nine out of ten cases. But I also have found that the happiest unions occur when both partners adore each other. One of my close friends recently told me that he got married to a woman who adored him. At the inception, he loved her, but was not in love with her. Over time, he has come to love this woman so much, that he would give his life for her. In his case, love took time.
Then there is the case of the frustrated spouse, who cannot trust the husband or wife, since infidelity has taken place. Billy got married to Gina because he thought his life could not go on without her. Gina thought Billy was a good man – stable job, handsome face, good values. However, that was the extent of her admiration for Billy. They had a lavish wedding ceremony, 220 guests and a party fit for Brian Lara. One year later, Gina was fascinated by Billy’s colleague and ended up having an affair. This shattered Billy’s world. Verily, if a person is not fully satisfied with his or her partner, one of two things can take place – an affair or lack of fulfilment, resulting in unhappiness. However, an affair – when uncovered – results in unhappiness for the innocent mate; so lack of total satisfaction ultimately ends up in unhappiness.
You may think that everyone around you is getting married, or has a partner. You may feel extremely lonely and wonder if ever you will be as in love or as happy as those other folks. Truth is, being single is sometimes a gift that some of us do not appreciate. Appreciate your singleness, go out on dates, refine your mind and gather knowledge. The perfect mate for you can pop up in some strange places – one of my friends met her husband in the waiting room at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital! Get out more if you have to. But when considering marriage, ensure that your partner satisfies you on all the levels that really matter to you.
Ask your partner if you do the same for him or her. If the answer is yes, then you may just have found the right one for you. If the answer is no, it surely is better to have a moment of heartache instead of a lifetime of regret.
