Dear Christine,
EIGHTEEN YEARS ago my wife and I adopted a son. Five years later we had a daughter of our own.
We have always treated them equally, but somehow I am of the opinion that we overcompensated with our son – perhaps because we never wanted him to feel he had second place in our lives.
We were therefore very shocked recently when he expressed an interest in finding out who his parents are. He told us that he planned to use his savings to travel to where he believes his natural mother is living.
He says that he loves us, but it is very hard for both of us to believe that he would do this if he really loved us.
What should we do?
– L.P.
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Dear L.P.,
  First and foremost, I would encourage you to help him in any way that you can. Don’t try to stop him.
It is quite normal for children to want to know about their heritage. No matter how much love adoptive parents give their adopted children, there is bound to be a certain amount of curiosity.
It is healthy and does not mean that the child does not love the parents who raised him.
Your son’s search cannot possibly wipe out the years of love you have given him. When adopted children find their natural parents, it is usually a relief to everyone. This does not mean he will pack his bags and move in with his natural mother.
After the mystery is solved, the child is usually willing to move on with his own life.
By then, all feelings of frustration, curiosity and doubt are diminished.
The fact that your son is going to make the search and feels free to be open and candid with you, is a true indication of his love, trust and respect for you. Have faith in him.
– CHRISTINE
