TODAY, the Vendor dealing with some of the amazing bloopers that only Caribbean broadcasters could deliver, inspired last week by this exchange on national TV.
Pastor: Barbadians are being asked to pause and to pray at noon tomorrow for the victims of last Friday’s fire. Television anchor: what should we do at noon tomorrow?
And then there was the still garrulous CBC disc jockey who during the first gulf war in the early 90s, broke into the programme to deliver this gem: “And now this breaking news story from the PERISHING Gulf”. I think he meant the PERSIAN Gulf, but you never know, he might yet be right.
That same disc jockey delivered an all time masterpiece. While interviewing Rita Marley, he got carried away and, frothing with exuberance, introduced her with: “And now ladies and gentlemen, I have here in the studio a woman who is in her own right, a singer, a songwriter, a mother, a business woman, a producer, wife of the late, great Robert Nesta Marley. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Rita Marley, a most APPALLING woman!” Pregnant pause as Rita no doubt contemplated, slapping him or walking out. I want to give the fella the benefit of the doubt and, though he never tell the Vendor so, I believe that he meant to say “a most APPEALING woman.”
And then there was the late and revered Starcom broadcaster who in referring to the Shiite muslims of Iraq, left out one “I” making it into a word that is used daily in Bubbadus; it was sweet fuh days. Vic Fernandes, in the days when radio was radio on Melody Makers, one afternoon struggled with a listener on air who wanted a song that was very popular at the time except that Fernandes couldn’t get the name of the requested song from the listener who insisted it was called Salt Fish Kill A lady. And it was only when she sang it that he realised it was “sophisticated lady”! Studio brek down wid laughter.
Then there was a famous Jamaican broadcaster, Roy Lawrence, who, back in the day when Her Majesty would visit de colonies, stood on a bridge doing commentary as the Queen’s open convertible drove towards him on the road below. While people lined the streets, he said in a quivering emotional voice: “Her Majesty is coming, her Majesty is coming, she is right under me now, she is moving about, this is the greatest moment of my life!”
And then there was another Jamaican broadcaster, now deceased, who once worked at CBC and said to the radio audience: “Here comes the Governor sir Hugh Foot, followed by Lady Foot and right behind them their two little Feet!”
Next stop St Lucia, where an announcer referred to a “Prima FACE” case, instead of a “Prima facie”. And yet another Lucian announcer said in a bulletin that a man had been executed by a firing squad of “three hundred and three rifles”. It was a 303 rifle that was used. The result was the same only less messy! I could hear Lucians now “Ahwah Market Ahwah”.
In Guyana, a senior Superintendent of Police in a Press conference lamenting the bad state traffic described it as “Chowtic”, his pronunciation of chaotic!
We got many more to come, sothis is to be continued another time.
I Market Vendor gone fuh now,you have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?