“Divorce is just not a part of my vocabulary.”
This proud sentiment comes from John Holligan, by all accounts a long-standing veteran of marriage, with 28 successful years to prove it, two grown children (a boy and girl) and more years to build on.
“It doesn’t seem as though it’s been 28 years,” he said reflecting. “It seems as though the years just passed.”
Like many men, John didn’t always know he wanted to be married. According to him, those feelings became intensified after he met his wife. But he attributes the success of their union to a number of variables.
“Well, of course, it’s the Lord first,” says the devout Seventh Day Adventist. “Then it’s love, trust and supporting each other. It’s always good to have a supporting spouse.”
Like most couples who tend to mirror each other, John’s wife Glendora has the same sentiments as her husband.
“Well, first is the Lord, then it’s love and trust and communication,” she says. “Communication is very important in a marriage.”
Glen, as she likes to be called, said that for them, communicating about things has always been very important, even in terms of how they raised their children; sometimes it would call for a family meeting with all four of them getting together to discuss issues.
“You would have a situation where the children would come and ask me something; I would ask them, ‘Did you ask your mother’,” John said. “Once you’ve already asked your mother, that’s the answer. If they had already asked me, that’s the answer.
“So we didn’t have any problem where that was concerned because, you know, children can try to trick you sometimes. But we let them know from early that we trusted them and they had to respect us.”
John and Glenattribute the success of their marriage and raising well-adjusted children to being in the church.
“Our children were born in the church,” Glen said. “The entire family was Seventh Day Adventist.”
But John also attributes the success of their marriage and family life to the models they saw before them. His own parents, Daphne and James Holligan, have been married 56 years and all five of his sisters and brothers have each been married for over 20 years.
“After I got married I had a lot to draw from, seeing my parents live through the hard times and how they stuck it out,” John said. “Daddy was very hard-working and Mummy was very supportive so we really had a good foundation.
“I never once heard them talk about divorce or separation. They would have their disagreements but, through it all, they stuck together.”
John believes watching his parents’ lives was a very good foundation for him in his own marriage.
“That helped me to grow up with divorce not being a part of my vocabulary,” he said. “Honestly, there are words that are lost to me because of what I’ve been through and would have seen with my parents just staying by each other’s side.”
Glendora is just as committed to her husband as he is to her and believes that the wrong attitudes between couples is what is killing marriages today.
“I think they are very independent and they don’t know how to mesh with each other,” Glendora says. “It’s the ‘I’ or ‘my’ instead of ‘our’. They’re not willing to try at anything because it’s all about me. I must be first, it must be me and not you.”
It’s that sense of unity and selflessness that both John and Glendora credit for helping to keep their relationship harmonious.
“Whatever I have and whatever I’ve achieved is hers,” John said. “One of our goals was that our marriage was supposed to be an example to others looking on. Even if I were vex or disappointed I never thought of leaving, nor have I ever once regretted that I’ve been married. I still want to be with her.”
