Dear Christine,
I am writing you because I have a major decision to make and I’m not quite sure what to do. I will explain everything to you and I want you to give me your honest view on what I should do.
I moved to Barbados from Guyana against my family’s wishes because I thought I had met the love of my life here when I was on vacation. I had spent six weeks here and everyday I felt on top of the world because I met a man who made me feel that I was the most important person in the world.
He did not worry that I was six years older than him and that I was divorced and had three teenaged children. All he saw was a nice full-figured woman whom he enjoyed being with. He used to tell me that my past meant nothing to him and he was only concerned about our future together. He told me he wanted us to get married and live as one. And since he has children, we wouldn’t need to have one together.
Based on what he told me, and on what I saw, I went back home, put certain arrangements in place for my children and seven months later was back here to get married and have the happiness that has eluded me all of my life.
For the first few weeks everything was as good as it was when I was here on holiday. He took me everywhere he went and we had plans of opening a shop selling food. As part of our plans I gave him $20 000 Barbadian dollars to renovate his house to accommodate the shop and seating for at least two dozen people.
Christine, I wouldn’t tell you no lie, but from the time those repairs were finished and we started to get the business off the ground, I began seeing a change in his attitude. We had agreed to put off the wedding until after the shop was built, but with it completed he no longer talked about marriage.
I noticed too that his so-called friends were coming around more often and just sitting down and drinking. They weren’t spending any money on the food and I told him that was not right. He cursed me for the first time. After that he would start staying out late, leaving me to have to prepare the food by myself, cook it, sell it, and then have to clean up afterwards.
As I am too old for such foolishness, I confronted him about his behaviour. He got vex and threatened to “lick me up”. Then he cursed me again and told me to pick up my things and leave HIS house.
That was about three weeks ago. He has now moved out of our bedroom and is sleeping in another room. Now all he does is leave early on morning without eating breakfast and coming home late at night.
He does not speak to me and if I try to make him talk, all he does is curse me and tell me to get out of his house.
I feel so foolish for not listening to my family, and I don’t know what to tell them. I gave up everything for the man I loved, spent most of my life savings on his house, and now I am stuck here where people don’t seem to like Guyanese with no family or friends. What do you think I should do?
– Confused
Dear Confused,
There are always two sides to a story, but given the circumstances that you pointed out, I think you were used by this man. He recognised you wanted companionship so he wooed you by saying and doing the right things to win your love.
He then encouraged you to return here, where you spent your money on his home with – I suspect – no formal agreement on whether it was a loan or not. With the completion of the house renovations he no longer needs you, so he is now showing his true colours.
You made a mistake and wouldn’t be the first woman or man to be duped in this way. As to what you can do now, I would suggest you get a lawyer and check on how you can go about getting your money back. You also need to act quickly to secure your tenancy.
Most of all, don’t despair. Sometimes bad things happen so that we might become wiser and stronger. Deal with those legal issues immediately, and with those out of the way, pick yourself up and move on.
– Christine
