People get married “for better or for worse”.
Frances and Wayne Parravicino got married “for a mortgage”.
Thirty-one years later they still have the house, three “beautiful daughters”, grandchildren on the way and a bond so strong, Frances says “I think we are lucky that we are soulmates and found each other early”.
The two lovebirds break out into infectious laughter when they discuss their unorthodox approach to their early relationship and tell of the marriage proposal that “was not romantic at all” according to Frances.
They were “hippies” dating in their mid- teenage years – “very, very, flower- power kind of love young people” Frances puts it. She remembers the Friday evening dates that followed after Wayne had collected his weekly allowance from his grandfather.
That four dollars bought the carefree couple a flask of rum, two cokes and a pack of cigarettes for their weekend “outing” which was a drive “up behind the Sundown Drive-in to watch the movie without sound because we could not afford to get in then”.
They dated for seven years,“a very long time” in the opinion of an impatient father who would often ask the young fellow picking up his daughter: “When are you going to make a decent woman of my daughter?”
Secretly, Wayne’s goal was to have his wedding picture standing with those of the other married Shepherd daughters on the family’s piano.
In the interim, he and Frances were looking to move in together and were searching for a place of their own to do so.
The obstacle was that Frances, a bank employee by this time, could not qualify for a staff mortgage unless she was married.
So “do you want to get married?” he asked Frances, accepting this as the obvious solution to the problem. Of course she wanted to be with him in a house of their own so she gave the expected answer — “yes”. They were going to get married.
Resting on her husband’s shoulder at their home one week after celebrating their 31st wedding anniversary Frances was in fits of laughters when she said: “Do you believe when Wayne asked daddy’s permission, that after all those years of asking ‘When are you going to make a decent woman of my daughter’ my father asked Wayne, “Are you sure?”
Her dad did consent to the marriage.
“There was no engagement ring. We couldn’t even afford a ring.”
One Thursday, they were advising Wayne’s parents of their intentions, the next they were standing before “a few family” and about four or five friends who had all received the same casual phone call — “What are you doing next Thursday? Want to come and watch us get married”.
The wedding held at the Parravicinos’ home was simple. “There was no engagement ring. We couldn’t even afford a ring.
“I wore a dress that he had given me the year before, it just happened to be white. We picked some flowers out of the garden — He took off his signet ring that his grandfather had given him and I took off my ring that my father had given me when I graduated and we exchanged them.”
Frances did receive her engagement ring and a wedding band after their civil marriage ceremony, when they exchanged vows for the second time in a church, coinciding with the birth of their second child.
“We got married to get a mortgage but whether we got the sanctity of marriage was irrelevant— the commitment was there whether or not you went through the formality of marriage. I think you know your soulmate” Frances explained in one of her few serious moments during the interview.
Wayne is clearly the wind beneath his wife’s wings.
Frances looked adoringly at her husband and said: “I think we understand each other. I think mutual respect and trust and certainly in the years where our marriage bonded, it was all about the children. Every decision we made, every thought of spending money, the children were always first and we both felt that way.
“We both come from parents of long happy marriages” she adds as Wayne nods in agreement, remarking, “We have a lot in common. We love to laugh. We are happy people.”
Following through on the thought Frances goes on “Laughter is a very important part of a good day and we never go to sleep, or leave each other, or put down the phone without saying I love you.”
As they continue their Cupid’s banter, all the while snuggling and cuddling against each other, a family friend drops in and they both greet him with an obvious customary warmth. “We are talking about how much in love we are and for so long,” Francis tells her guest.
But like any other, this couple admits they have had their “difficult patches”
“I don’t think any marriage is perfect but I think both of us have been so lucky we have not had any major crises in our marriage — more of the stress stuff,” Wayne suggests.
He points out trust is an important element in this marriage. Fran says “You have to trust your partner. It is important to make decisions together. I don’t think one should make a decision and expect the other to just follow on.”
Frances is a senior business executive while Wayne is self-employed and he admits that his wife’s career has sometimes “got in the way”. Despite this he has always supported her.
“I must say I am very proud of Fran in her career. She has never stopped achieving,” a remark which evokes a spontaneous response from her, cupping his face, radiating the obvious love they share and whispering, “I achieved you, love.”
A career woman, Francis is hardly ever home from work before seven. But one thing is sure.
Everyday she arrives to the waiting arms of a husband happy to see her.
“When I come home from work on evenings he is usually here sitting with his little beer and he mixes me my little rum and coconut water. From the time I get up the stairs I feel the stress of the day leaving me. I may have bitched to him for half an hour about what a horrible day I had, but I still get the little flutter in my heart that here is the person I love.
“The day you can’t feel that way when you see your partner, I think you have trouble.”
