Communication is the lubricant in everything we seek to achieve. Successful communication is characterized by collaboration on mutually beneficial outcomes. Leadership, service excellence and human development are key endeavours that are currently struggling with communications breakdowns.
A recurring culprit in these breakdowns is the habit of treating logic as the basis for predicting success. We have previously noted that the content of the intended message represents only seven per cent of what gets perceived as the message; and that focus on “getting your message across” is more focused on what makes sense to you. In law, the “reasonable man” test of logic has overtones of being adversaries rather than collaborators.
This approach to communications is widely accepted and evidence of the damage to relationships is all around us.
Ironically, there is a growing recognition that this approach is flawed, mediation, counselling and anger management and emotional intelligence services and courses are on the increase. Most, however, revert to a logic-based premise, as people study personalities and behaviour. There must be content and we should strive to make the seven per cent as powerful as possible.
My concern is that it remains mostly self-centred.
Consider the axiom “people buy on feelings and justify with facts”. One simple implication is that virtually all of our decisions are emotionally driven based on our personal needs goals and values at the time. Whether choosing a mate, making a purchase, deciding if we will contribute or withhold our efforts; the principle driver is how doing it makes us feel.
Marketing, advertising and social media configurations press these emotional buttons continuously. The fact that we have developed a cynical awareness of these manipulations does not make us immune to its innate power.
I would like to propose a wholesome, uplifting approach to recognizing and responding to emotional needs. It requires conscious replacement of some old instincts.
The first is to replace “getting your message across” with what action you want your audience (individuals or groups) to take as a result of your interaction. This admission minimizes “hidden agendas” and helps you value the contribution you are seeking. You’ll be surprised by the effect of “I value you” on you and your prospective collaborator.
The next step is to ask, “how can this person or audience benefit if they agree to the action I am requesting?”. Make as long a list as you can based on evidence you have gleaned from them. This is also a challenging departure from the old paradigm because the shift is away from you. It puts you into the realm of searching for evidence that what you are requesting is helpful.
It directs your attention to things such as the circumstances, the effort required, conflicting priorities, need for structure, previous experience with similar requests, as well as how they feel about you. All of these and many others, have powerful emotional drivers. When they are considered in advance, it authenticates valuing and increases trust.
Ask yourself what is the difference between features and benefits; between praise and flattery? What is the difference is how it makes you feel. Imagine how this approach can affect the customer service experience for you and the customer.
How would it affect our relationships at work, with our loved ones and in our community? It is not easy but it is worth a try.
God bless.