THERE IS A PART in last week’s I Confess where the female writer said: “How could a vagina turn a big man so foolish?”
I call it “Vagina Power” or “VP” for short, this type of power is one of the most dangerous forces that a man can encounter.
Men would kill, steal, lie, cheat, disown their own flesh and blood, buy car, house, land, the whole nine and a half yards. Wars have been fought over it for years. Unfortunately more will be fought. All because of VP.
There are some women, not only in Barbados but around the world, who rule men with VP. Some men look at these women to fulfil all of their sexual fantasies and in exchange, the women are rewarded financially or otherwise. However most of these relationships are short lived since if the men ever stop giving these gifts, the so-called love affair would cease to exist.
I too was one of these men. After seven years of cheating on my wife with the same woman, she told me one day: “You are a married man and you can’t stop any of my male friends from calling or coming over.” That licked some sense in my head and I put my tail between my legs and gingerly walked away without looking back.
She was so right, I had no claims to her whatsoever. We had arguments in the past but I would always go back, because “stolen water is sweet”. Every month when I got paid, guess who would get her money first?
My wife would always accuse me of being involved with this woman and I would look my wife dead in the eyes and with a straight face lie to her. This woman would call my home and disrespect my wife, but I couldn’t care less. Why? Simply because I was in a hallucinogenic state which is a side effect of VP.
I would take this woman everywhere not knowing that I was not the only man she was dealing with. So after confronting her on numerous occasions about whether there was another man, she looked me dead in the eyes and denied everything.
Lies and love making
After the long heated argument it was hot sex between the sheets, the kind of sex that would make a man forget his name and that of his God. This was déjà vu because I knew someone who would look you dead in the eyes and lie – me. I did the same thing to my wife with the same type of love making.
Funny enough, all her so-called girlfriends who knew her well and knew us as a couple would warn me about her, her own mother and daughter warned me.
But how could she deceive me for seven years and do it so cleverly? I guess in playing the game one must always know the rules or you will be ignorant at the game being played. I only saw what she wanted me to see, she was the one writing the rule book and the rules were written in her favour – win or lose.
Generally there are really no rules in war, the aim is to win at all costs regardless of the rule book. Her people would keep telling me that she was no good, and to move on and forget her, for all she loved was money. But they did not understand the power of VP.
Her daughter who I knew from the tender age of 12, now 21, who’d looked up to me as a father figure since her biological father put out the mother over another woman and was never really in the picture to show her fatherly love. So I took up the role.
Now all grown up, she showed nothing but pure respect [for me] and would always seek my opinion and comfort as a father figure.
However one night she was very disrespectful to her mother, I just thought she was being rebellious. I could remember the daughter telling her mother: “You have a man who would do anything for you and if you truly wanted him to leave his wife he would in a heart beat but all you love is the money, and you are always taking money from other men.”
Well I held my head down in shame and dear not pick my teeth.
Yes! I too set up myself to be a victim of VP, because if this woman was to have told me to come and live with her full time I would have given up my family and walked away from my sons. But all for what?
As I write you this letter, my heart is in pain and I am crying out loud deep down inside because of the way I lied to my wife and the kids.
Now every night before I go to bed I thank the Most High for the parents of my wife and the morals they have taught her; I look at my sons and I see myself through their eyes; strong young men who will learn from a fool of a father in times to come.
Overcoming the sting of VP
I now understand what my grandmother and grandfather meant when they said “home drums beat first”. That is all behind me now with the support of a loving wife and a supportive family, I have overcome the sting of VP.
The scars from my battle are not seen with the eyes but are felt every day of my life when I look at my family and the pain I would have put them through, scaring them for the rest of their natural lives. We should always stop and think about our actions.
I am sending this message out there for both men and women alike. If you are cheating here are a few questions you should always ask yourself.
Since you are not faithful to your spouse at home, why would you expect your outside lover to be faithful to you? What if the condoms burst and this person has a virus or gets pregnant? Would you blame it on the spouse at home, by spreading false information to make the person look guilty and feel shame?
What if you walked out on your family for this person and in turn this person walked out on you for someone else? What if you fell ill and helpless and couldn’t afford to financially maintain your lover; and after treating your spouse like garbage, she finds someone and moves on? And not even your children look at you, would you deserve it?
I do not always believe in retribution or karma but I am a firm believer in physics. One of the laws of physics states: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and men since we are the ones most vulnerable, are we prepared for the equal and opposite reaction? I am quite sure we couldn’t handle it, if it were to come.
Water that is stolen is indeed sweet, but why steal it when we have pipes at home? Remember, we cannot wash ourselves in filth and believe we are clean.
