The inability to get an erection can occur at any age but is more common in older men, who often have health challenges such as diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol.
Men who smoke, drink too much alcohol, or use illegal drugs are also at risk for erectile dysfunctions. Anxiety, stress, or depression can cause erection problems too; so can challenges linked to the nervous system, such as multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease. Another cause can be surgery as a result of prostate cancer.
These apart, a number of medicines for chronic non-communicable diseases may cause erection problems, though most do not.
This week’s question is from a woman whose long-time partner, with whom she has lived for just over a decade, recently started having erectile dysfunction problems. This couple, who are in their early 50s, have children from different partners, but none live with them. They have always had an active sex life but this stopped with his change of medication, which caused his erectile problems to become more frequent. This has caused him to become moody and question her whenever she goes out.
Consequently, she asked us: “How do you relate to your partner now that he has developed difficulties getting an erection since he recently started taking medication for both diabetes and hypertension? He has become irritable and suspicious of your movements since his problems began.” Those who responded via text and phone suggested that two people who care for each other should be able to work through this challenge. One man, who said he went through this problem before he got a change in medication that improved his situation, explained that the man was behaving this way because he was frustrated.
He said: “A man is supposed to get an erection and please his woman; that is basic. If he cannot do that, he does not feel that he is a man anymore. That is why he can become suspicious, because he thinks as long as he can’t please his woman, then somebody else would.”
While I understand this man’s point, I agree with other respondents that a couple who cares for each other can overcome these difficulties through discussion and understanding.
The following are edited versions of responses.
• “If you really love and care for that person, you will be very supportive. I believe we should all vow to love our significant other in sickness or in health. It’s not all about sex; it’s companionship, friendship and finding other ways to keep each other happy.”
• “When a relationship is based on sex and little else, men would get suspicions when they encounter these types of problems.”
• “My late husband was a bad diabetic and they gave him medication which stopped his erections. He was 52 or 53 at the time. But we would still “love up” . . . he would use his hands and mouth and I was satisfied with that.”
• “If you really love somebody, their not being able to have sex with you is not the end of the world . . . Young people may feel differently about this, but for an older person like me, it is no problem.”
