Dear Nesta,
How you, girlchile? I hope yuh still got yuh han’s tight in de Fathuh own, ’cause nowadays, how de worl’ gine, fuhget an’ slip outta He han’s, an’ yuh gine start slidin’ right down to neffin!
Wid all de confujun gine on ’bout hey, I fuhget to tell yuh ’bout one li’l bright spark dat tek place jes’ befo’ Chris’mas. Homegirl, RiRi, come in like Santa Claus wid a big, fat cheque fuh ovuh $3 million to gi’e de horsepittle fuh de oncology department, in mem’ry an’ honour o’ she gran’mudduh! Oncology got somet’ing to do wid cancer, right? Well, she c’n gi’e it to a better place, wid all de cancer cases yuh hearin’ ’bout nowadays! I been wonderin’ ef de food we eatin’ is to blame, ‘cause y’know, we’s now a nation o’ “fas’ food” eaters! Anyhow, it was a beautiful t’ing fuh RiRi to do an’ I sure de whole islan’, even dem dat don’ care tummuch fuh she, mus’ admire an’ t’ank she fuh it.
As I lissen to Rihanna durin’ de ceremony, I notice she still got she Bajan accent! Good! She en need to change it ‘cause she is now a worl’ famous star! Not like a lot o’ Bajans dat only got to get de ticket fuh Amurica, an’ quick so, duh turn “Yankees”! My nighber got a sister dat went dey fuh six monfs, an’ now she back, dat woman talkin’ up in she nose summuch, yuh would t’ink she ketch a evahlastin’ cole when she was up dey.
To add to she game o’ “leh’s preten’”, at firs’ she c’n remember de name o’ de road whey she us-ed to live! A woman dat us-ed to know evah back alley in de districk! So, I had to bring she back down to earf by callin’ she “local touris’” – an’ she stop speakin’ to muh! So wuh? I don’ rice at she! You know, I’s a woman dat always gi’e Jack ’e jacket when yuh deserve it, an’ dis time, I gi’e RiRi not only de jacket, but de whole outfit!
I en know ‘bout wunna, but fuh we, 2013 enter, t’rowin’ nuff punches! But wuh we could do, neh? Jes’ hol’ on to God! School jes’ reopen an’ y’know, once dah happen, de long lines o’ mornin’ traffic en helpin’ nobody blood pressure! De Trinis got we milk farmers in a stranglehol’, but wuh yuh expeck? Evaht’ing, includin’ de milk, now belongks to dem, to do as duh like!
High time dah Alexandra dispute get settle! It got muh tired, faif! De BSTU get wuh duh want – de principal out – now duh got anethuh bone to pick wid de ministry – dis time, ovuh de teachers dat also get transfer! Lord mek peace! Dese adults en t’inkin’ ’bout de trildrun welfare a-tall? Meantime, Guvment open a school fuh ole people – Unique Helping Hands! I hear duh gine do foreign languages, arts an’ crafts, exercise, an’ mo’! Philomena say she want to learn Chinese. Wuh nex’ I gine hear, neh? Wuh she brain ‘pon a extended sleep!
As ef dese problems din enuff, BWU showin’ some muscle an’ t’reatenin’ to shut down de islan’ ’cause LIME sen’ home 97 workers an’ stannin’ firm ‘bout not tekkin’ duh back – so far, de date is a secret! Mo’ trouble! Anyhow, I keepin’ muh fingers cross dat by de time dis letter reach you, it call off – after all, dis is we touris’ high season!
Oh Fathuh, muh nighber jes’ gimmuh mo’ bad news! De islan’ mek de top ten – fuh debt! We kill a pries’, or wuh? T’roughout it all, we runnin’ ’bout like chickens wid we heads cut off, guessin’ ’bout de “Date”! Anethuh secret? Hol’ on! Yuh soon hear! I bettin’ ’pon “De Twelf o’ Never”!
Tek care o’ yuhselfYuh frien’ Babsie
