Dear Christine,
I NEVER THOUGHT I’d be writing to you, neither did I ever think I’d be asking for your advice.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years and are the parents of two beautiful children. Things have not always been smooth for us as we have had some rough times.
However, we were able to ride each storm that came our way. Financially, we made some bad investments and these put a strain on our relationship.
In fact, we’ve also had high stress levels due to my husband’s making a decision to change jobs and move house to your island just a few months ago. Again, I felt that the pressures of managing a household were our only concerns.
Two weeks ago we were talking about how things were not going well enough between us and the discussion of a divorce came up.
In our heated discussion, my husband revealed he had been sleeping with other women since the second year of our marriage. He admitted to three different long-term affairs and then some others.
He said he never told me because he knew it would be too devastating.I have been in a state of shock since his confession. As you can see, we are not Barbadians – but we moved here recently due to his work.
I’ve had no confidence in sharing my story with family and friends and have no one on the island to share this with. I have become angry, hurt, humiliated and depressed since his confession.
He has agreed to seek counselling but I believe it’s too late.
My family and friends believe my husband is a good man. I thought so too. In fact, I thought he was a perfect husband and father to our children.How could I have been so wrong?
Right now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. What should I do?
– FEELING THE PAIN
Dear Feeling The Pain,
I truly, honesty cannot tell you what course of action to take. It is a major decision when a couple decides to divorce for whatever reason.
However, I will point out some obvious things to you for you to consider. You can then decide what your next step will be.
Your husband has been cheating from the first 24 months of your marriage. This early philandering shows he never felt marriage was an indication that boundaries were established.
His sexual pattern seems to be established. The fact that you and everyone else thought things were fine shows that he knows how to camouflage and deceive.
His willingness to go into counselling may have some value. If he has never been in counselling before, it might be worth a shot – provided you are willing to give him a chance.
Clearly something is wrong when a man who has been married for 18 years has run around for 16 of them. Although sex addiction is a recognized problem, either before or after therapy, your decision will hinge on whether you want him in or out of your life, whether the damage he has done is irreparable, and whether trust can ever be possible again. Consider all this, then make your decision.
– CHRISTINE
