MOST?PEOPLE?ASSUME the man is always to blame when a relationship hits the rocks. And, in many instances, the blame is justified because men often do some crazy things when it comes to relationships.
That being said, women aren’t always completely innocent either when a relationship falls apart.
But regardless of where the blame is to be laid, neither a man nor a woman likes the idea of being replaced quickly when a relationship ends. It makes one feel, well . . . disposable.
That was the basis for this week’s Secrets’ Corner question.
If, within a week of breaking up with you, your live-in lover had another partner in the house, how would you feel about it and what would you do?
Both men and women would feel hurt, used and basically treated with scant respect. It would also make the other partner feel like there was always a third party in the picture, given the time frame.
As one woman said: “In the short term, the break-up would be painful but in the long term, I would be thanking my lucky stars our relationship was over because obviously, he had been working on the new one while with me. I would maintain my dignity and get on with my life. His loss.”
A man also shared this view: “If that is so, he or she always had that person when you were together.”
Whether or not the person was always in the picture, the reality is that he/she has moved into the house you once lived in.
In cases like this, it is so important for a person to have a resilient spirit in order to deal with the range of emotions that might surface on hearing the news.
If you had come to a place within the relationship where you knew things were bad and actually couldn’t wait for the relationship to end, then you wouldn’t care if someone else had moved into the house.
A woman added: “By living in the house, do you mean my house, our house or his house? Because that would make a huge difference. If it was my house, he would have left within 24 hours of the break-up so this would not even be an issue.
“If it was our house, once his partner didn’t interfere with anything belonging to me, they could carry on as much as they wanted. I most likely would move out eventually and sell him my half of the house. If it was his house, why should I care? All that would be part of my past. He could start dating the dog for all I care.”
What people often forget is that break-ups can be difficult. They often bring a range of emotions starting with rage, disbelief, relief, in some instances, and even despair, depending on the circumstances of the break-up.
Knowing that someone else has moved in with your partner so soon after you left can make you angry, but it is important to find some sense of closure and move on with your life.
It is crucial that you don’t stop taking care of yourself and find ways to be happy. If you need time to mourn, take it, but don’t let grief overwhelm you. Your former partner has moved on and so should you.
As one person said: “When a relationship is over, both are free to do what they please to do. I would get on with my life.”