Dear Christine,
I would like your advice on a matter that has me very upset. It involves my boyfriend and his intentions. The problem is that we have been together for six years yet he does not seem interested in getting married.
He says he wants us to have a child together and in time we will get married, but he already has two kids from two different women. I do not want to end up like them – with children and no husband.
He says that he loves me and I would admit that he does treat me well, but I feel that after all of this time together we need to take our relationship to the next level. I am 36 and he is 38, what could he be waiting for?
I am really frustrated by his attitude because it just doesn’t make sense. If I am good enough to live with all of these years, why am I not good enough to marry?
I really don’t want to end up like some women who spend years with a man only for him to never marry them, or only do it when they are old and dying.
– Sheila
Dear Sheila,
Your question is at the crux of this sorry matter and one your boyfriend needs to answer honestly. Depending on his answer you should decide your next move.
What you are asking is reasonable and something many other women have asked their common-law partners through the years.   Â
I often wonder why women stand for this treatment, particularly when they are financially independent and can do better.
Personally, I consider it wrong for a man to live with a woman continuously in a common-law union for more than three years.
I believe that by then everything you need to know about that person would have been discovered, so the man should do the honourable thing and marry her.
Of course, I recognise there is a cultural disposition to live with someone as against marrying them. And I have heard more than one young woman declare that they have no intentions of ever marrying. Their attitude here is based on all the reports of marriages failing. But I feel women should see marriage as a solid commitment from a man and his declaration to the world that he has found his soul mate.
Some cynics would say that marriage does not guarantee your husband would not cheat on you, or that you will be happy. Both comments are true. However, it would be up to the couple involved to work at their relationship to ensure their happiness and fidelity.
So Sheila, what you’re asking is for your boyfriend to honour his love for you by marrying you. If he refuses to do that, then you need to ask yourself if he is worthy of your love. I hope this helps.
– Christine
