Dear Christine,
It is not often that I find men writing to you about their issues, but I really need some advice from you.
I am 24 years old and my girlfriend is 20. We both have one child each from previous relationships and are doing our best to raise them in the right way.
This is my problem. My girlfriend recently moved in with me and things are not going well at all. We are slowly writing a history of fighting, often to exhaustion. Sometimes it is verbal fighting; other times – well, on two occasions – it was physical fighting.
Something that bothers me tremendously is a tactic of hers that forces me to stay in the conversation when I need to take a break from it. She literally stands in front of me when I’m trying to go outside to calm down and will position herself in front of me without actually touching me, so I have to make physical contact in order to get out the door. When I do that, she claims that I am abusive because of the extreme physical contact needed to get by her. If I give up and stay in the house, her verbal abuse will continue.
Often, she will call friends and tell them I am abusing her. She never tells them that she is the one who starts the quarrelling and fighting.
Right now I feel trapped. I either endure her verbal abuse until she runs out of steam, or fall into her trap and become someone who physically abuses his girlfriend.
I am twice my girlfriend’s size, so most of the time, her friends and family members believe her story. I have never been involved with the law before and I do not intend to do anything that would put me before the court. However, a man can take that much and no more. Walking away when the quarrelling starts seems the right thing to do, but when she stands in the way, she is opposing my decision to let peace reign.
What is a man to do? Where does the answer to this problem lie?
– M.K.
Dear M.K.,
I do not think you have an unresolved problem on your hand. Rather, you need to first face up to the fact that you and your “girlfriend” are too combustible a combination to have a healthy relationship, then make the decision to call it quits as soon as possible.
When you make that decision, either call the police so she can pack her things in their presence, or just be sure to have someone with you when she is packing. On hindsight, I think doing the former thing would be best.
– CHRISTINE
