The definition of a paedophile is given as “an adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children”. Therefore you can deduce that the result will more than likely be “child sexual abuse”. So how can we recognize these persons and then be able to prevent such a cruel and damaging act?
Charles Montaldo, a private detective who has worked in various areas of crime detection, says that “paedophiles can be anyone – old or young, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, non-professional or professional, and of any race. “However, paedophiles often demonstrate similar characteristics, but these are merely indicators and it should not be assumed that individuals with these characteristics are paedophiles”.
He further opined, however, that the “knowledge of these characteristics, coupled with questionable behaviour, can be used as an alert that someone may be a paedophile”.
From this you can tell that paedophiles can be among you and you never suspect them for they can appear as ordinary, everyday people. They might not carry weapons but the damage that they can inflict on their victims – your beloved children – is equal to the taking of a life.
The mental damage that is done to the sexually abused child is sometimes beyond repair. They even hate themselves although it is not their fault. They suffer from “massive trust issues”. They end up not having many friends and we all know how important “friends” are at that age. These abused children actually feel dirty.
These victims are even scared to get a “hug” from someone for they are now thinking that that might be another predator. Imagine that – a hug, which is a recognized sign of affection and is supposed to be harmless. Hugs are what little babies live for. Hugs are what little children look forward to.
I am speaking of the same hug which a mother or father gives a child that makes them feel not only “loved” but “safe”. These “abusees” are now, because of the sexual attacks, in a place where what was designed to represent love is now seen as scary, painful and distrustful.
On the topic of trust: There used to be three professions that were considered “safe” in relation to protection of the child – police officer, teacher and priest. Now we have evidence that all three of these hallowed areas have been tainted. I guess that we have to remember that the individual is genetically and environmentally fashioned before the profession comes along.
However, I must register my unbridled disappointment with the Catholic Church. As a religious institution, this body apparently sinned in a most reprehensible way. So many men, after many years of internalizing their horrific experiences of sexual abuse, finally found the courage to speak out about the scourge that caused the death of their “souls”.
This same fear which these young “Catholic” men finally conquered is now a major Caribbean problem. This fear which has become a “disability” is now preventing our children from speaking out. This very same fear is causing our victimised young people to become drug addicts, for they feel so distrusting, so dirty, so unworthy, so disappointed and so anguished that they ostracize themselves from society, and, unfortunately, the drug then seems to be the answer.
Right here in Barbados, our Crime Stoppers Organization has revealed that “20 per cent of students – male and female – in forms 1, 2 and 3 in nine secondary schools have admitted to being sexually abused”.
Lauren Book, from the United States, who herself was sexually abused by her female nanny, recently stated that the World Health Organization’s figures indicate that 47 per cent of girls and 31 per cent of boys in the Caribbean will be sexually abused before the age of 18.
Miss Book also said that sexual abuse cuts across all socioeconomic barriers and all cultural barriers.
So now it is up to you the parent and the teacher to find out what to look for. What are the signs? We all need to be re-educated. For instance, did you know that 90 per cent of the time children are abused by someone that they know, love and trust?
Parenting is not as simple as before. Everything changes. Life changes. As a result, parenting has to change to suit the times. In the case of “child sex abuse”, the price for carelessness is too heavy to pay.
Children of Barbados and the rest of the Caribbean, please conquer fear and find the courage to speak out if you are abused.
• Mac Fingall is an entertainer and retired secondary school teacher.