DEAR CHRISTINE, I have been in love with a young man for about five years. During this time he had a woman, who was working at the same place as I do. I knew this, but he would still be friendly with me.
Anyhow, about a year ago, he told me he was finished with the other woman because he caught her in the house with another man. He was friends with her for 14 years and has a four-year-old son from her.
Well, what he said about being finished with her is really true, because I go to his mother’s house and when she comes there to see her son, I never see them utter a word to each other. I have also put myself in a position on the compound where we all work and watch both of them passing each other without saying anything.
So I know for sure they are finished. So much for that.
This man thinks he is very smart because I understand he has another woman. I’m told he is in love with her, but when I ask him about her, he says she is only a friend, even though I saw a gift in his car from this same woman.
He still tells me he loves me and will give me anything. He also told me he is going to marry me. However, I am still hearing about this girl. I have had reliable information that he calls her everyday at her workplace and he goes into the office to see her.
I got her telephone number from him. I called and told her who I am and asked her if she knew a young man by the name of . . . and she said “yes”.
She was very cool and calm. She also told me that they had been in love for the past three years. Christine, he denied this.
I was also told that this woman spends all her money on him and they go out partying together.
I made arrangements for the three of us to meet someplace. We both went but the young woman did not turn up. I called her again and asked her if he still calls and she said “no”.
She also said to me: “Darling, not to worry, I will step out of the picture and let you have the man for yourself.”
Do you think I should believe this, Christine?
– Y
Dear Y,
When you care for a person, you put up with anything to keep them by your side. Yet achieving this does not bring you any real happiness when you know that in another few hours or the next day, that person will be with someone else.
Loyalty is part of true love and I honestly cannot consider this man as being a loyal type. He’ll come to you as long as you are prepared to have him in between his other lady friends.
He was already involved with another woman when you met him. It would not surprise me that it was out of his unfaithfulness with you that she sought affection from someone else.
In his book (and yours), it was right for him to fool around but wrong for her to do so. This other girl who says she is stepping out of the picture has probably come to her senses and decided not to be a part of his harem of women; so she leaves him with you.
You now need to come to your senses, or you can be part of the lot. For sure you won’t be the only one. I hope in time you will find it possible to step out also and find someone more worthy of your love.
– CHRISTINE
