DEAR CHRISTINE, After 12 years of marriage I find life very dull and boring. My husband is okay but there seems to be no longer any excitement left for us.
We have all got ourselves into a rut and I think if it were not for our small son, I might have considered leaving. Things have got more difficult for me recently as I met an attractive man whom I see privately from time to time. He cannot marry me as we are both married, but he is freer than I am as he is separated from his wife.
Christine, he wants me to come and live in his house.
I’ve always tried to be a good wife but since meeting my lover, I am torn apart. He can make me happy but I know he cannot make me not miss my son if I left him and his father.
I also have nice in-laws whom I would not like to hurt. My own parents are deceased.
If I thought my present home situation would change, I’d take the chance of staying with it but doesn’t every marriage end up humdrum and boring?
– K.P.
Dear K.P.,
This is so in some cases, not all. Affairs also end up humdrum and boring. So where do I place my bet on using the effort to better things? I do so on your marriage.
At the moment life with your lover must be quite exciting, but it is not likely to remain in the present pitch. By the same token, life with your husband need not remain dull and dreary. You should try working at it to renew the old excitement.
Having a lover is a distraction to getting to work on this the more important project, which is keeping your family together.
The sensible thing would be to sever all ties with this man and try to make things work with your husband.
Extramarital affairs sound quite good when they are found in fiction stories. In reality, they can play havoc with a marriage and never guarantee lasting happiness for those who take part in them.
– CHRISTINE