I READ THAT lasting relationships are built on the ability of two people to trust each other; two people who have an unshakeable belief in the honesty and reliability of each other, which gives them the confidence and assurance to persevere together, no matter the challenge.
Given the generally low standards of most human beings, no wonder few people truly trust their partners. This explains too, why there are so many break-upsand divorces.
I saw this with my parents. My father loved women and went after them even though he had a wife and five children home. The few cents he earned then had to be divided between my family and whoever else he was dealing with. It meant that we, his children, grew up more deprived and at a greater disadvantage than we should have been.
Also as a child growing up, I saw how women who depended on men for financial support were mistreated and often abused. Again, I saw this with my parents. She would quarrel about his wandering and when he had enough of her talk, he would beat her.
As a result of this I resolved two things in life – never to be dependent on any man for anything, and never get seriously involved with one unless he was a practising Christian like me.
In other words, he just can’t attend church and talk about God. Oh no. He has to be true to the word right through.
Because of this I kept myself to myself. Of course I did talk to a few men through the years, and kissed some too; but I never once had intercourse. So after I passed 30 and was still a virgin, I used to think that I was going back to God untouched and unspoiled.
However, I dropped my guard and finally had a real boyfriend. We met in church and had been friends for years, but I only looked at him differently after he arranged a meeting with me, but instead of discussing church business as I expected, told me he wanted to marry someone with my virtues and wanted us to start seeing each other towards making this a reality.
His approach was novel, so I took him seriously. Besides, I always knew him as a nice guy who seemed genuine, was of good character and responsible.
Though I still had fears, I took the plunge and after a few months he had won me over with his thoughtfulness and kindness. For the first time in my life I was genuinely happy and began to have expectations of having a family of my own.
I felt so comfortable with him that we were even planning to pool our money to get a mortgage so by the time we got married, we could move into our own home. That was how much I trusted and believed in him.
The only thing I refused to do was to have intercourse. I convinced him that we should wait and let it be something really special. Thankfully, he agreed and never pressured me.
We finally got our home, then we married, and at the ripe old age of 34 I lost my virginity. From that beautiful experience I realised why most men think with their penises and not their heads, and some women like to hop into different men’s beds. Sex is a wonderful feeling and is extremely satisfying when shared with someone you love and trust.
After a few months, I allowed my sister and her niece to come and stay with us as she was having some major issues with her husband, and had nowhere else to go.
That was the biggest mistake I made. From the time my sister arrived, my husband started paying close attention to her because she was always crying and seemed so vulnerable.
Unbeknownst to me, the two of them became intimate and for nearly a year carried on an affair under my roof.
Yet, during that time whenever I was around, they would hardly say anything to each other, so much so that I once apologised to my husband for allowing my sister and her daughter to stay with us as I could see he was not comfortable. He must have laughed his head off at me thinking how much he had fooled me.
Just thinking about how my husband betrayed me still gives me a deep, burning pain in my chest,and I can’t help but cry at how low he stooped. The nastiness of having sex with me and my sister while we were living in the same house together, has now totally turned me off from men. It was disrespect and deceitfulness to the max. Of course I blame my sister too, as he could not have had her unless she wanted him.
It all came out one night when the three of us and my mum were playing Scrabble. We were all laughing and in a good mood and I noticed that on two occasions, the two of them glanced at each other and smiled.
I thought nothing major of it until my mum, who also noticed it, asked me what that was all about. As we were talking, she came into the kitchen so we asked her. She said it was nothing and I should be ashamed of accusing her of having her husband.
From the time she said that, my mother and I knew something was going on. I never accused her of anything. In fact, the only thing I suspected was that they were planning something for my birthday which was nearly two weeks away, as they had surprised me the year earlier.
So my mother began to press her and ask questions. It was then she broke down crying and apologising. She said she was hurting and lonely and he used to talk with her, then one thing led to another.
She begged me not to hate him as he was not at fault; it was her doing as she pushed it.
My husband was in the shower when all of this was going on so by the time he came out my sister was in a state, and I was crying.
When he came she told him sorry and began crying loudly. Then I shouted at both of them to get out of the house.
My mother, who felt my pain, hugged me and told me to let them stay and gather their things so they could move out properly. She took me home with her. I never went back until three days after they had moved out.
I have refused to speak to both of them since then. But all of this has taught me that men just cannot be trusted.
