TWO YEARS AGO I interviewed a young man and proud bachelor. After asking him what he thought was the biggest mistake women make that turns off men, he stated rather emphatically, “nagging”.
Three weeks ago, we filmed a conversation with the social media comedian Lord Zenn and international DJ Justin King. I cited my conversation with the proud bachelor and they agreed that nagging is one of the biggest mistakes we women make.
I wondered why many women nag especially if it is a wasted emotion. After countless conversations with a pool of persons in and outside of my age group, I have concluded that nagging is a wasted emotion by us women.
When we nag men to showcase more acts of public affection, spend more money on us, cease their interactions with their female and male friends or whatever else we women decide to nag about, it does us no good. We cannot force a person, especially a man, into doing something and expect tremendous results. Perhaps men should do things because they want to and they are not forced to. My logic is, why be with someone that you have to force their actions to create your satisfaction? This in itself should show us that we are seeking to create an entirely different person out of our men. A few months ago at a Crop Over fete I watched in amusement as a woman strictly instructed her man to hug her as they walked through the entrance of a party so that partygoers “gotta know you is my man”. On one hand, I found it hilarious. On the other hand, I felt for the gentleman. It was clear that he was uncomfortable.
Let me make it extremely clear that there is a difference between nagging and highlighting behavioural patterns you do not find acceptable. Nobody is perfect. Neither is any relationship a pillar of perfection. As a result, there will always be instances where disagreements take place and compromise will invariably have to take effect.
Nagging, in my opinion, is the constant displeasure and highlighting of something that we women can clearly see the man has no interest in changing or improving on. As a result, in many cases, the man begins to resent us and we build a most unflattering reputation of being a “miserable woman” or “pitbull”. Most importantly, many of us women end up extremely unhappy in our relationships, sometimes even having to put on a show for our friends and family members. It does us a disservice.
I recently saw a male friend of mine and his face lit up as he told me of his new love interest. I have never seen him smile the way he did. He went on to make a comment that stuck with me. He said, “The best thing is that she is absolutely no stress. She doesn’t burden down my phone with calls asking me where I am and treating me like a boy.”
To be fair, there are many men who do not like to be accountable in relationships. Many would like to roam freely and behave as though they are on the hit tv show The Bachelor, whether they are in relationships or married. This is highly unacceptable.
That said, too many of us women do nag our men and it is not a favourable attribute in my opinion. I have even heard some women boast about the fact that they nagged until they got their own way. Word to the wise: stop nagging the men. If you have to nag consider he may not be the right fit for you. We all will have issues and disappointments. However, there is never any room in a relationship for nagging.
Toni Thorne is a young entrepreneur and World Economic Forum Global Shaper who loves global youth culture, a great debate and living in paradise. Email: Tonithorne@hotmail.com