DEAR CHRISTINE: I have a terrible problem on my hands and desperately need your advice.
Several years ago, after enduring a nightmare marriage for 27 years, I left my husband with the loving support of a dear friend.
I found a kindred spirit in this funny, gentle, intelligent woman – and without her I don’t know how I could have survived that terrible time in my life. We were virtually inseparable. I had my own room in her home, and she had her own room in mine.
We took trips together, spent weekends and holidays together, took care of each other and each other’s children. We did everything together, and I must admit I’ve never been happier. We were always there for each other.
But after three years I caved in and remarried my former husband. He promised to change, and he’s been quite tolerable. The problem I’m faced with is that I no longer have a place in my life for my friend. I just don’t have any time for her. She does not fit in with my “married crowd.” She’s a single mum, and even though I love her dearly, she’s quite eccentric and my husband does not approve of her.
I know how to break up with a man. My question is, how do I “break up” with a girlfriend without hurting her? I really thought that she would understand, but she apparently doesn’t. She is terribly upset with how things have turned out, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
A.G
Dear A.G:
It’s so sad that now you have no need for a close friend, you want to dump the very person who helped you through those years of separation from your husband. Now that you’ve remarried, you suddenly realised you don’t need her in your life because she does not fit in with your married friends.
Why are you trying to shake her off? Where were your “married friends’ when you were going through the many challenges that you faced. From what you’ve written, she was the one who helped you through.
There is no way you can try to dismiss her from your life now you’re at this point and not hurt her in the process. You are going to have to figure this one out for yourself. I’m not surprised that your husband does not appreciate her. It’s up to you to tell him about all the good she did for you and your children when he was not around. If he has a heart he will probably appreciate the contribution she made to your life and the lives of your children.
– CHRISTINE