THERE’S A WOMAN I have been trying to talk to for several months, but instead of a date, all I got was a tongue-lashing about what worthless dogs men are. She colourfully told me where to go and left me in shock wondering who wronged her.
Well, in Barbados, somebody always knows your story. It turns out she has had a painful and violent past with men.
I was absolutely floored. I thought about all the times I saw her having fun at charity events and galas or schmoozing at our professional association meetings and dinners as if her life was perfect.
My buddies told me to forget her. That would be easy if I didn’t see her so often. We’re in the same profession and apparently the same social circles. My associates also told me to forget her since there are more fishes in the sea. All I have encountered since my divorce are sharks, stingrays and red snappers. Women today are angry.
I get it! Men are not treating them right. What I don’t get are the men.
My father was non-existent and my mother and grandmother were everything to me. Out of respect and love for them I could never ever mistreat a woman. Maybe women give their hearts too easily to the wrong men and then wrongfully lash out at all of us.
Prior to meeting this woman I tried talking to another who seemed nice. However, she instantly blanked me. She told me she was tired of being used and disrespected. She said men today were either just plain, old, useless or so scared of gold-diggers that every woman was guilty until proven innocent and hence subject to mistreatment.
Christine, I couldn’t say a word. The truth is, the way I hear men talking about women today, she’s absolutely correct. It’s actually scary. I hear women being called nothing but “whores,” “gold-diggers” and “men-stabbers”. Everything women do or say is misconstrued by men as a “play,” “threat” or “insult.”
Both genders seem on edge and mistrustful. The men are belly-aching about feminism; then women are cheating on the men, and both are trying to use the other for either money or sex. A new battle of the sexes is brewing and it’s very ugly.
False conclusions
There are lots of wrong attitudes leading to false conclusions.
Ladies, all men aren’t “humpty dumpty”– hump you then dump you. I was devastated when my wife’s cheating, gold-digging ways ended our marriage but I recovered and decided not to be bitter, just better in choosing a partner. I still believe in real love and that there are decent women out there.
Christine, I won’t harass this woman but I’m really hoping she’ll give me a chance. I just don’t know how to even begin talking to these lionesses today with thorns in their paws.
– Trying in vain?
Dear Trying In Vain,
You have painted a realistic and true picture of many of today’s types of relationships. Mistrust, miscommunication, misunderstanding, disrespect and ill-treatment seem to be the foundation on which many relationships are being built.
However, thankfully, it’s not always all about sex, money and cheating. There are some flourishing, healthy, honest relationships as well.
These are not necessarily few in number, but who seeks to tell their good tales?
There will always be varying levels of conflict and disagreements in relationships. How they are handled, makes the difference.
Relationships today are also viewed as investments and some men and women are not satisfied to invest their all in one relationship because they see themselves as vulnerable to pain and heartbreak.
A male friend once told me “all men are dogs” but he was just a puppy. At that time he was cheating on his wife. I thought “Wow!” Even puppies carry deadly bites.
All jokes aside, it’s not fair for men or women to dump each other into any one “grouping”. There are nice, honest people out there with no or few chips on their shoulders. You just have to keep looking and looking and looking, or sometimes, simply wait for the right moment “to happen.”
I do not know how you approach “these lionesses” but a little bit of subtlety, eye contact before open mouth and casual friendliness can help.
In other words, you may need to change your approach. Try being a friend before trying to be a lover and please give women time and space. Bear this in mind also, if she’s “just not into you”, walk away and try hunting elsewhere.
– CHRISTINE