TWO YEARS AGO I walked away from my marriage, and have not regretted one moment of my action. Indeed, by taking that decision, I may very well have saved my health from being placed in a mental state of “no return” since I suffered brutally at the hands of my wife.
The unfortunate thing is that she is still to this day trying to do the things which caused my disillusionment. My wife is a demanding nagger who must always have things her way or she wants to send you on the highway to hell.
I know I have faults, and perhaps too many, but at the same time I daresay that I am a good man, was a good husband and looked out for my family. I must admit that to this day I still love my wife and as such will not remarry, because no other woman would understand or tolerate me the way she did. This is neither double-speak nor the confused mind of an idiot.
I was married for 26 years after a courtship and close relationship which spanned eight years. The union produced some offspring, of whom both parents are extremely proud. Both of us, mother and father, have remained very close to our children and they to us. At Christmas we put aside all differences and spend time at the eldest child born before marriage, with her family. It is the one day we tend to get along very agreeably. Oh, only if every day could have been Christmas. But that is dreaming – and we live in the real world.
The relationship did not start out as it ended, and in the latter years things, at least for me, became intolerable. My wife would not let me carry on a discussion on the telephone without butting in or immediately at the end of the call quizzing me on why I hadn’t informed her of any issue I might have raised while on the telephone. This could be matters relating to my work, the sports club I am involved with, my political constituency branch office, or even at my church, since I am active there as well.
The truth is that most times these matters mean nothing to her. She developed the same attitude whenever people came to the house to speak to me on any of the above issues. On one occasion, after she took up position, the person who came to see me loudly proclaimed that he wanted a private and confidential meeting, and felt let down. He left. My wife told me afterwards that I must not get involved in matters which do not concern me and don’t bring anyone there again for such discussions.
I felt humiliated since I did much to ensure we had a relatively comfortable house with all the modern conveniences. I paid the bills on time and ensured we could take a holiday at least once a year during the later stages of our marriage.
Things really went downhill after I undertook a major overhaul of the property and had it in spanking condition. For my 60th birthday my mother gave me some money. I used it to undertake the renovations. On completion I felt it necessary and wise to let her see what I did with some of the money. My wife objected and said my mother should not come there for a whole day, and if I wanted her there the evening then I should ensure I had something to give her. Tears almost settled in my eyes. I said nothing, but still brought my mother to a rather cold reception. The fact is that my mother was never accustomed to coming at us regularly and liked to stay in her house.
With that incident in the back of my head, I became aggravated when my wife would constantly call me at work to ask: Where is this or that? Why such and such isn’t here? Or some other terse demanding question. It was never about how my day was going, if I was okay or whether my blood pressure was under control. It was always a bombastic, demanding tone. And it was always followed by blam! – telephone on the receiver at the other end.
Unfortunately, my mother passed away. My sisters who have lived overseas for many years simply came for the funeral. I had made and paid for all the arrangements. I indicated my interest in buying out their portion of our mother’s house and they willingly agreed since they made it clear Barbados was no longer their home of first choice. They wanted to be with their family and extended family. But, before I could make a move, we heard the details in our mother’s will. She had left some cash for either of the girls and the house for me. I immediately set about renovating it and got the dream upgrade of my life.
On its completion, I informed my wife she could take the house we shared and all therein since I would be moving into my mother’s house. She insisted that I should give her half of my mother’s property or make arrangements to give her $1 200 a month. I simply ignored her and with the clothes on my back left. I painted the property as I pleased and got the landscaping done to my desire.
My wife came up there checking to see whether I had taken any of her plants since some where missing. She wanted to check inside the house to see if any of the furniture from where she lived had been taken to my new residence. I never let her in. She brought a small stepladder and looked through the windows. It has been 23 months and three weeks since I took that great decision.
At times it can be lonely, but it is worth every moment. I now eat a much better and balanced diet; I keep the house the way I want it; I can have friends or colleagues over without any foolish noises; I do not have to take a barrage of stupid telephone calls. My new best friend is a lovely toy breed dog who has pride of place in one of the patios. I no longer have to put up with incessant questioning, harassment or listening to false accusations. I must confess I regret not taking this decision much earlier.