Dear Christine,
I’M GOING on 17. My boyfriend performs oral on me all the time. As I write, it’s about an hour ago this thing has happened.
As we were having sex he asked me to perform oral sex on him. I didn’t do it. He kept asking and asking but I just wouldn’t give in.
Before the last ‘no’ came out of my mouth properly he slapped me in my face. This is not the first time he placed his hands on me. I know I’m wrong for staying in an abusive relationship but I try, because I think he needs serious help.
After slapping me I told him “I don’t like to do it” and he said: “Well, I don’t like doing it to you either.”
I was a bit baffled because he begs to do so even though I am not a fan of it. He also brought up my past, about an incident that took place with a girl and I. While he was talking all that gibberish, I looked him in his eyes and cried.
Not considering
Now I have built this hatred towards him. He was asking me to live with him and marry him. Now, I won’t even consider it. I think I have made up my mind and don’t care about losing him. Otherwise than that, he’s a gentleman, treats me nice and puts me right.
When I tell him it’s over, he threatens to take his life and says he has put too much into this and me. I know relationships have their ups and downs, but now I’m starting to wonder if he’s the one for me as I want someone who’s always a gentleman to me.
Tell me, what should I do?
– ?
Dear ?
You’ve done the right thing to seek advice but I believe you’re intelligent enough to know that you have to walk away from this “prison” you’re in. You have your head screwed on right, but now you have to deal with your heart.
This man is no gentleman; he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It is not right for any person to be forced into a sexual activity of any sort. If he has physically abused you for not carrying out his wishes, he does not love you.
Rather, he is only concerned about his own sexual gratification – at your expense.
Leave this “slime ball” like yesterday and when you do, make a report to the police so he can stay his distance from you.
It is true that he needs help but you cannot provide the help he needs. What he needs is professional help and should seek the advice of a counsellor, psychologist or pastor. If he does not, both of you could end up as statistics.
Also, do not allow him to put you on a guilt trip. If he wants to take his life, that’s his problem. Be sure you do not give him the opportunity to take yours as well. You are way too young to allow any man or woman to control your life or to force you into sexual activity which you obviously despise.
Please do not go back on your promise and try to make things work out between you two. They simply won’t because you are both on different pages in so many ways.
He is not the perfect gentleman. How can he be when he beats you and forces you to do things you do not want to do? You’re yet to find the perfect gentleman – one who will treat you as an individual and respect your wishes.
If you can, take time to further your education. Apart from all the advice I have given, speak to an adult (where are your parents?) whom you can trust about the situation and inform the police about the abuse and threats.
Your life may well depend on you taking these necessary steps today. Not a day later.
– CHRISTINE