I NEVER ACCEPTED the term homophobia before. A phobia is an irrational fear. As far as I was concerned, “I din frightened fuh nuh gay guy.” With the US Supreme Court ruling in favour of gay marriage I have reconsidered.
have been homophobic. The fear is not of any individual homosexual. The fear is of a world where homosexuals rule. I now admit. This is a phobia.
It is a fear of the unknown; of “what if”. What if it becomes the norm? What happens to me and my privileged position as an openly heterosexual man? If most people start going the other-way, or both-ways, or any-which-way, what will happen to straight people like me?
Will a heterosexual minority be discriminated against and forced into the closet the way so many homosexuals are now? Will my heterosexual children, raised with traditional gender values, suffer under a homosexual regime? A fundamentalist Christian might ad: “Will the acceptance of homosexuality hasten forth the coming of the last days?”
These are irrational fears for a few reasons.
1) My crystal ball brek, so at this moment I cannot predict the future. Fear of a distant future hardly ever makes sense.
2) Even in places where homosexuality is widely accepted they are still a minority. “Heterosexuality ain gine nuh wey soon.”
3) Given the need to stay in the closet, we could be living under homosexual rule all now and not know it.
4) The last days supposed to come anyhow, so it makes no sense fighting it. Just make sure you are right with your Lord.
The irrational fear of a homosexual planet is counter-productive. Pushing homosexuality underground or against a wall creates a push back. When something is forced to hide in the dark, eventually it will grow larger in secret to jump out of the bush and bite people who have nothing to do with it.
There is also the fear that accepting homosexuality is a gateway to accepting paedophilia, bestiality and other taboo sexual practices.
I don’t have any evidence that homosexuals are any more inclined to child abuse than heterosexuals. I do know that the abuse of underage girls by heterosexual men is said to be a huge problem. Yet we never talk about outlawing heterosexuality. The fight is not against the abuser’s sexuality but against the sexual abuse and the exploitation of the vulnerable.
A man who is attracted to men is not necessarily an abuser of boys, any more than a man who is attracted to women is necessarily an abuser of girls. However, there are reasons why we have female scout leaders, but few if any male Girl Guide leaders. We feel that men are more likely to be sexual aggressors and predators than women.
As a man, you don’t really think about being raped unless you’re going to prison. If male on male sex becomes a normal thing, all of sudden men have a new fear. We will be watching our backs in a new way. But this is a fear women have been dealing with forever.
What we really fear is “wuflessness”. Wuflessness can be defined as the sexual abuse of yourself and/or others. To the average heterosexual man, anal sex would feel like abuse. I feel it is also self-abuse if a man spends the entire day engaging in self-flagellation to pornography. I wouldn’t call the police for him though.
I might refer him to a psychologist. This is where the question lies. Is homosexuality a mental condition or normal, natural behaviour on the spectrum of human sexuality? Is it a lifestyle choice or a genetic predisposition? How should we as a society treat it?
I don’t remember choosing to be straight. From the time I’ve known myself I always was. I never struggled with the attraction to men because it has never occurred. I can’t say if people choose to be gay or not. I just know that some are. I don’t know their struggle.
But lemme tell ya! The struggle with wuflessness is one I know about. I have not always been honest, respectful or disciplined in my dealings with women. I am in no position to judge anyone’s sexuality.
My own thoughts are influenced by a speech made by legendary civil rights leader Kwame Toure. He said the question of homosexual rights was not an issue in the black community because African societies have always been tolerant societies, and homosexual communities existed in black America of the day without any problem. He categorised gay rights as a problem of the white, male power structure which is in the habit of denying others their rights. “It’s not our fight,” he said.
It’s not so simple in 2015. We must consider deeply. It’s not so black and white. I will continue to hold to my values concerning human sexuality. It will become more difficult to pass those values to my children as society diverges from my stance. This is nothing new. It is no different to the struggle to teach my children to value their black features in a world that doesn’t. I should not fear.
I will also try to instil in them the value of respecting others as I try to replace my irrational fear with hopefulness, that no matter what the outcome of the debate on sexuality, it results in more honesty, openness, respect and responsibility in the way human beings treat each other.