AS A YOUNG fellow growing up, I was always very attracted to girls. I played cricket, football, basketball, hockey and did almost anything and everything involving sports. I stood out in some of them as well.
I soon got close to a few girls and from my mid-teens enjoyed sexual activity. To be honest, I did not really care about anyone, but was purely interested in self satisfaction. So that by the time I was 21 years old, I had had many girlfriends, or should I more accurately say, many sexual encounters, with girls, some older and some younger. As long as I achieved my objective, I did not care about anything else.
I must admit along that road I would have encountered at least two girls of whom I had a stronger feeling beyond mere sex. Yes, the sexual achievement was important, but with these two particular young ladies there was a bonding. Unfortunately, I had no good role models, and encouraged by my friends, who were no better, sought to land as many girls as I could. My wild behaviour did not stop while I attended university. In fact, it may have gotten worse as I had more than five girlfriends there during my three-year sojourn.
Looking back, my strengths in certain subjects gave me an edge over some other fellows. I was, and still am, good with mathematics. I found that a number of people depended on me for help, and I exploited it with a number of women. Unfortunately, I do not look back with either anger or shame on my deeds. What I would say is that I do not think it was the best course to follow. So that when my children came along, I sought very hard to try and give them the correct guidance.
Yes, guidance is a most important requirement if we are to meet not only economic targets, but moral objectives. I say that because while I have flirted and conquered, if that is the term, many women, I can consider myself very fortunate. I did not catch a death sentence in my wild ways. I did suffer from terrible fear and anxiety, as I was never brave enough to have certain tests done, and as a result never opted to buy life insurance. This has been a setback for me, even though I have a pensionable job and have served the required years to exit with full benefits. I feel that with additional revenue my retirement could be better. But, I am fortunate in that my wife gets a good income in terms of her pension and we should be able to manage rather comfortably.
But it is not the economics and financial concerns which are at the top of my list of worries, but the possible exploitation of young men and women, who are today as I was yesterday. I realise some young men are driven by that desire for non-stop sex and in their quest to achieve their goal can be open not only to sexual diseases, but equally as important, exploitation. This should be appreciated in an era when most people want it all and they want it now. So, from the latest cellphone to brand-name gear to an overseas trip or cruise vacation. For many people without any direction, there is no harm in trading something for something. This could very well spell disaster.
I never had anyone to tell me what I was doing was wrong and to stop it. It was only after I met a wonderful woman, good in bed, but better in pointing out the pathway to tomorrow that I got the lesson. It was not about mathematics, or the ability to travel, or drive a flashy car, but the importance of why companionship was something I needed to consider for the future; that one hand could not clap and therefore a tag team could achieve a lot more than my crazy way of thinking, score and move on. When my children came along, I realised I would not want anyone to exploit my daughters, and that I would not want my son to take the kind of wild risks I undertook.
We have a feeling in Barbados, especially amongst men, that the more women you sleep with the more masculine you are. Unfortunately, a number of women also feel that before they settle down, it makes sense to run around and enjoy sexual relationships with a variety of men. In either case it is a dangerous situation which can bring shame and disgrace, not only to you but your offspring and spouse later on in life. In this changing world, some may say perverted times, even though it may just be now an open secret rather than a closeted one, the net includes same-sex relationships, where men and women fall victims to exploitation because of the lure of material things.
The long and short of my argument is that sexual education must be thoroughly and properly taught in our schools. The Barbados Family Planning Association should be able to offer its professional help and guidance on the best approach. Parents must be able to talk to their children about sex and the joys and dangers of indulging in it. We must be able to encourage wholesome relationships without becoming romantically involved. In fact, I should simply say sexually involved since romance does not often come into the equation. This is not the plea of someone from the Christian right or the moral Majority, but a practical person who has been very fortunate.
Our biology will always make people attracted to each other. There will be relationships which will not last and there are others which will endure. But it is important to start out on the right foot and with a moral compass to guide us along what can be a path of happiness or one of destruction. Sex is going to happen; it always has and always will. But let us do the right thing and guide our children the right way. Otherwise the children themselves will end us in sexually abusive relationships all because adults failed them. I am sure I was the victim of sexual abuse just as I would have sexually abused many women.
