Between mother and man is where Torn found herself recently.
The dilemma prompted her to write to Dear Christine, asking for advice on how to balance her duty to her elderly and ailing mother who lives with her and her nearly year-old relationship.
She added that while her two sisters who live abroad and her brother who lives here with his wife and children do help out and the family hired nursing assistants, the main responsibility is on her.
She told Christine that though her beau is understanding when she has a “mummy crisis” and has to rush home to assist her mother, she is afraid the situation is “getting in the way of a smooth relationship”.
Our online readers responded with the following advice:As one person said, your brother can have her once a month for a weekend and your sisters overseas can go down to the island for a two-week vacation and help take care of her whilst you have a well-deserved break. Whatever you do, don’t resent your mother, just reorganise your life.
And as for the man, if he was any man at all he would be praising you for the way you take care of your mother and then making suggestions to how you and your family should help share the responsibility so that you can have a break. – BAJAN IN UK• Honour the promise you made to your mum. Don’t be distracted by the man. You will be greatly blessed for serving your mum in her moment of need.
You don’t have to sacrifice either relationship for the other, but do keep a balance where you can honour both. Your mum needs your love and compassion, not resentment. Perhaps you should consider taking a few days away to refresh yourself so that when you return, caring for your mum would be a pleasure and not a chore. – R.B.l [How] real is your fear? Has the man given you an ultimatum? Seems to me you are the one with fear where there is none really. If the man really cares, he will understand. If he [doesn’t] then I think you are better without him because, believe me, if it comes down to you not being with your mother to be with him and something happens which you think could have been avoided were you there, you will never be able to live it down. So think hard before you decide. – MOTHER LOVER• If the man did not show interest in her, she would not resent momma and want to be with the man. He does not want to make her his wife, he wants to shack up with her. Not being negative, but how do I know that he would not change?
He is just giving all the sweetness of a relationship or courtship for the moment. He did not even say I would like to have you as my wife – bear with me, I am one of the old-fashioned women [and] I don’t believe in shacking up. – BAJE IN TORONTO
