Wednesday, April 24, 2024

BLABBERMOUT’ BABSIE: Wuhevuh happen to good ole Epsom salts?


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WHAT a turrble experience fuh dem poor Japanese people las’ week, neh! It only go to show dat when yuh put down yuh head ’pon dah pillow at night, yuh en know how de nex’ day gine fine yuh! 
You would know all ’bout it, so I en gine play “parrot” an’ repeat wuh yuh know a’ready! It real sad, doh, an’ I only hope duh fin’ a way to prevent dem nuclear power plants from sennin’ off any mo’ radiation in de atmosphere, ’cause dah would affeck not only Japan, but de win’s might tek it much furduh out! Scientises say dat California could be de nex’ area to get a big earfquake, an’ people out dey nerviss enuff! 
I en know ef you read ’bout de li’l four-monf ole baby girl duh fin’ after she was in all dah rubble fuh t’ree whole days! Aftuh hearin’ a n’ise mo’ dan once, searchers turn back to de spot, start diggin’, an’ fin’ dis li’l baby all wrap up in a pink jacket under de mud. It seem when de water crash into she parents house, she get sweep outta duh arms. You could imagine how happy dat fadduh was to get ’e chile back, wid not even a scratch! Dah was only God mercy! T’roughout all de deaf an’ destruction, dis baby seem like a miracle, an’ a story like dis, mus’ gi’e yuh some hope! 
Fuh some while now, I muhself been hopin’, but fuh somet’ing quite diff’rent! As you would remember, I really don’ like to stay in de kitchen too long, an’ been hopin’ ’gainst hope, some bright body would come up wid a pill dat would get muh outta all dis cookin’ day in day out, in order to sustain de body! As you know, whey I concern, it is jes’ eatin’ to live an’ not de ethuh way ’roun’, so poppin’ a pill evuh mornin’ to help cut out my kitchen wuk would suit me jes’ fine! My dream en come true as yet, but ef any constipation sufferers got dreams o’ relief, it seem as ef hope might be ’roun’ de corner fuh dem – dah is, ef de tesses Israeli scientises now carryin’ out ’pon t’irty-odd people wid a new capsule turn out successful.
I know worl’-side, healf been undergoin’ improvement by leaps an’ boun’s fuh decades now, t’anks to de modern scientific inventions yuh hear ’bout all de time. So I shun be surprise to see dat out dey in Israel, anethuh new somet’ing comin’ ’pon de horizon! Dis new capsule duh hopin’ to bring out – it name Vibrant – contain a battery dat gine vibrate t’roughout yuh body to shake, roll an’ jolt yuh as it pass t’rough de bowels, stimulatin’ de muscles dat drive de natural movement in de bowels, an’ so ease constipation. It weigh ’bout 10g, would start vibratin’ six hours after yuh swallow it, an’ go on fuh ’bout two hours mo’. I en know ef dah mean yuh should stay home de whole time, ’cause ef it gine keep a n’ise like a cellphone, when it vibratin’ inside yuh, anybody nearby hearin’ it might begin to wonder ef yuh ’bout to explode, an’ start runnin’ to get help! Duh claim it en got any side effecks, but ef t’ings don’ turn out as duh should, I hope nobody don’ get blow ’way to kingdom come!
I come ’long hearin’ ’bout Epsom salts, senna, eatin’ nuff fibre, an’ all dem ole-time remedies dat seem to wuk awright! But I suppose as we livin’ in de jet age, lookin’ fuh mechanical help shun come as no surprise! Well, pacemekkers doin’ a good job fuh de heart, so we soon might see Vibrant, mebbe not only helpin’ out de bowels, but ethuh parts o’ de body as well might get some assistance.Shake, rattle an’ roll on out!!
Tek care o’ yuhself,Yuh frien’ Babsie


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