Whether we realize it or not, people judge us based on the way we dress and, based on that assessment, usually respond to us in a manner they consider to be appropriate for us.
Think about it. If someone who is professionally dressed and clean-cut approaches us, without knowing anything about them or before hearing them speak, our initial response is generally positive.
On the contrary, if people dress in a manner we consider to be untidy and they look unkempt, our initial response to them on their approach to us, even before we hear them speak, would most probably be one of revulsion.
This week’s question – How Does The Way A Man Or Woman Dresses Attract Or Repulse You? – arose from a contentious situation between a mother, her daughter and the daughter’s boyfriend.
The mother does not think the young man is good enough for her 19-year-old daughter because he wears locks and dresses mostly in T-shirts and jeans, which are usually across his bottom, exposing his underwear. He often smells as if he was smoking or was around people who were.
The daughter thinks her mum is unreasonable and is only judging a book by the cover, so to speak. She contends that her boyfriend is the smartest in the class – they are both at university – and is a good conversationalist and respects her.
For her, he is a responsible person who, unlike so many other young men, knows what he wants to achieve in life and is working towards it.
That notwithstanding, her mother is adamant about not allowing any “knotty hair, untidily dressed man into her house to talk with” her daughter. What’s more, she wants her child to end the friendship.
If one is interested in substance rather than appearance, then this mother’s attitude would be considered wrong. This young man seems to have a good head on his shoulders and is seeking to further himself through higher education.
However, if we accept that people judge others on how they dress, then this lad, for all his positive deeds, must realize that in the same way his attire has negatively affected his girlfriend’s mother’s views about him, it could also impact on him securing a job or some other important goal he wants to achieve but needs someone else to help him with.
The truth is this should not happen. But it does because of the human dynamic.
If the young man continues dressing in the way he does, he would be a hit only with his peers while alienating his girlfriend’s mum and, later, a potential employer by his choice of attire.
Of course, this is not fair and people should be allowed to express themselves how they want, as long as it is within the law. But the reality is that life in general is not fair.
The following are edited versions of responses:
• “What I utterly loathe are the youngsters who insist on showing me their dirty underwear. I think they should be charged with indecent exposure as happens in some parts of the United States. I do not think our youth should be encouraged in emulating jailbirds.
“The other thing is the big, fat women who insist on wearing tops that are at least four numbers below what they should be wearing, with their breasts screaming to get out of their harness. Also, females who wear pants/skirts so low that you can see the cleavage of their bottoms.
“On the other hand, I enjoy seeing females in their pinstripe suits, long dresses, or being otherwise neatly clad – especially if they have neat figures. Many males also dress appropriately – whether in ties or informal.
“However, it doesn’t matter how well you are dressed if you don’t have the manners to go with it or if you smell like a skunk.”
• “People can wear whatever they want as long as they don’t go too far. What is attractive is in the eyes of the beholder, and there is more than one way to look sexy. That’s what people need to remember.”
• “I can’t stand when men wear their pants below their bottoms with boxers.”
• “If you don’t dress in a way that is generally considered to be decent or nice, people would think you are not like that. This is sad but true.”
• “I love a man who can wear a suit well, yet looks sexy in blue jeans and T-shirt. I hate to see them in jeans that are like three sizes too big or in those skinny jeans because unless you’re James Bond I don’t need to see double O or 7!”
• “You express yourself in what you wear. No one has a right to treat you badly because of that. People are too judgemental.”
• “If you saw a girl wearing all black, with black nail polish and black lipstick and eyeliner, you would most likely think she is one of those weirdos seen in movies, and never approach her. So how you dress matters.”
