Last week we carried an enquiry from a wife who asked about husbands texting other women.
This led us to ask the question: Should a husband be texting women using terms of endearment like “my fair lady”?
She went on to argue that it is one thing to say it but another to write it, as it could convey the wrong impression.
We agreed with her that a husband or anyman in a commmited relationship should not be texting or calling other women (with the exception of family or close friends, of course) especially using any terms of endearment. It certainly goes against the marriage vows.
Another wife wrote: “My significant other of 20 years sees nothing wrong with getting women’s phone numbers and texting them. Sometimes 30 times a day to the same woman.
“Yes, I started checking his messages, but he deletes the ones to certain numbers.
Well, they are all numbers of single women that frequent the bar he goes to. I would not have suspected anything until I was told he had been seeing a woman for the past five years. He said they were just friends, but he had been to her house and they had kissed a few times, just as friends.
But it stopped after I found out. So, naturally I was a little suspicious.
“We got past that, and he started texting another woman as many as 240 times in a month. They are also just friends. I started checking his phone. Sometimes he would just ask her how she is, or when she was getting her hair done. Then he started deleting his texts. I check the phone records on line, so I know he texts her a lot.
“I also checked some other numbers and found the ones to the other women. My question is this: Am I the only woman who finds this wrong or am I just a jealous b****?
“Women I have talked to say their husbands don’t text other women and they sure don’t ask for their cellphone numbers. It doesn’t help that I have been told that he is a big flirt and is very friendly with the ladies.
“This jealousy thing is really starting to cause me problems.”
Our readers had mixed views on the subject, some saw nothing wrong but most expressed a resounding no!
Following are some of the responses from our online readers:
-“Hell, no!!!! Think about the shoe on the other foot.”
-“NOPE! A husband’s terms of endearment should be reserved for his WIFE only! Although he may feel his words mean nothing, he has no idea how the other person is taking it, not to mention how it might hurt his wife’s feelings!!”
-“I don’t see the problem as I refer to people as honey, sugar and sweetie . . . its the understanding that you have with a person that makes all the difference. If the relationship is just a harmless one then its perfectly okay in my book.”
-“Why should he be texting ‘women’ in the first place?”
-“No, he shouldn’t!! I used to do it a lot and I thought it was harmless but it isn’t, believe me. Plus when it was done to me, it made me very uncomfortable and I brought it to a screeching halt!!
-“’My fair lady?’ lol. Sounds like he was watching too much Days of Our Lives back in the day.”
-“Why shouldn’t your husband be texting women?
I see a big problem if he is texting terms of endearments to women because like the wife says, saying it is one thing but writing it is another . . . .
I would call men all kinda sweetheart and so on but if I’m texting it’s a no-no and I would have a problem if a man that I have nothing with is texting me and referring to by any ‘pet’ names.”
-“When you are in a realtionship you should not even have to be textin’ any women furthermore texting those sorts of things, but I find that both women and men do this. but hey, who am I to say not to do it . . . .”
-“If my husband is texting another woman I would be concerned. men do the same when they use the telephone. What difference does it make if he is cheating via text messages, telephone messages or there are seeing each other behind your back?
“If he respects and loves you, he won’t be disrespecting you in that way.” (SS)
