This past week I lost some respect for Ireland, the country of my maternal grandfather.
The home of U2 and Guinness, whichin them say is like mother’s milk, Ireland is where one of the new wonders of the world can be found, the Cliffs of Mohair; where they curse just like Bajans or we curse like them; where even the accent, at times, sounds Bajan.
Ireland is the home of great butter (whatever became of Clover Cream Irish cooking butter which we used to plaster onto hot saltbread with enough salt in it to preserve a corpse for a week without refrigeration); it is the home of Mike Hogan and the lads from Digicel and REDjet.
Ireland is a feisty country. The Irish, after all, have always been brash, willing to take on the world and challenge the status quo.
So what the heck happen, fellas? There she was. De iconic and drop dead gorgeous queen of pop, Rihanna, shooting a video in an Irish farmer’s field. Lights, camera, action, plenty action, muh girl topless (de day musta been hot) and people stopping by de road to get a peep when, all of a sudden, de farmer decided he too want to peep but de brudder could not deal wid what he see.
Wha loss! Topless? And in muh field? De man tell muh girl it ain’t good enough, put on some clothes, that cannot happen ’bout here. Not in my fields.
He apparently tell she to look fuh de Lord too! Dem ended pun a friendly note wid he shaking hands with Rihanna. De story did not say iffing she had on a top at that point.
Now all me Irish friends trying to explain to De Vendor that this is not the norm in Ireland; that them is still the same feisty people, that de farmer is not a typical Irish farmer and on and on!
Fellas, ah not buying that one. Wunnah had Rihanna half-dressed (I did not say half-naked) in wunnah fields and tell she to cover up?
Now iffing dat was a Bajan farmer, he woulda invite over a few friends, charge admission fees, set up some drinks and videotape de whole ting from a distance. By nightfall, YouTube woulda been rocking!
Which brings me now to de udder subject.
I did hearing ’bout an ole fella who did in he 80s and did still percolating and never ever had nuh problems wid he prostate. When I ask how come, I hear that he does go pun he roof everyday fuh a few minutes naked and assume de praying position of the eastern brethren and let de sun administer Vitamin D to de prostate!
So De Vendor buss out laughing only to be told by a doctor that there might be some method to de apparent madness of de ole boy! I stop laughing and went and Google “prostate and sunlight” and behold a whole body of works pun de subject appear, including from de BBC! Google it and see fuh yuhself!
Now lawyers, insurance execs, broadcasters and businessmen planning a new body, De Bottoms Up Posse, and to get attention, them planning to assemble somewhere on Collymore Rock early a morning and let the sun shine in!
Some already practising in de backyard, de roof too public. But it appears a li’l sunlight down there might keep things upright for a while! Rihanna must be read de articles too cause they say that sunlight good fuh arresting breast cancer too.
We need de facts before a lot of naked men and topless women appear pun de horizon.
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear!